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One Summer Day – by salad.
A couple of summers ago me and Billy were messing around with a BB gun and six feet of poo when we saw Paw Paw riding up the hill toward us with a Chocolate Finger in his hand. At first he didn’t notice us so we hid behind a tree, loaded the gun and listened for the sound of an erection.
The look on his face when we shot his pipi was priceless but that was shortly followed by a visit from his twin brother which surprised us all by pulling our nipples. By the time we’d washed the ‘chocolate’ out of our clothes and plugged the Interactive Real Doll into the power outlet it was time for a nice cool drink of piss.
Later that afternoon when the cops arrived and started asking us whether we knew anything about the incident I just told them that we’d been on the other side of town at the time because Billy had left his extra bottle of laxative under a clown costume and it’d caused several children to evacuate their insides. After they left we buried the finger round the back of the house and on the way home we laughed until we came.
The End.
Epilogue: Ricky’s momma has enormous balls on her back and they smell like heaven. No shit.
El Rustirino wrote:Yeah, but it ends up being really addicting.Yea… seeing that little shield with the crossed swords and the head on every mission becomes a necessity…
So yea… The first thing I did was make my character and explore the multiplayer maps. Now you can actually choose different variations of armor for your Spartan or Elite. You can customize the Head, Body, Right and Left Arms, and Legs. Theres 10 sets and you have access to 2 when you start. Now you can identify your character with your symbol, armor, name and a “tag” (Letter, Number-number). There’s a few new symbols and backgrounds for more customization, no big deal. The whole interface is easier to manage and simpler than Halo 2’s so I like it better. But here comes the first disappointment (not really, but whatever.)…
After spending 144657345234234 hours on Halo 2’s maps I guess you get attached, and to have only 1 re-incarnated (Zanzibar, and Halo 2’s is better) kinda blows… The new maps are small in my opinion. The one that’s kind of in the desert that says it’s for 10-16 players or whatever (The biggest one, apparently) is like 3/4 of maps like Containment, Headlong Sidewinder, or Coagulation/Blood Gulch. I’d compare it in size to Relic or Burial Mounds. So overall the multiplayer maps in this game are smaller. Also there seems to be a tendency to have A LOT of like little hidden niches and places on the side of cliffs and underground on all or the majority of the maps, I don’t know why. So I’m gonna go ahead and say Halo 2 has better multiplayer maps than Halo 3. Even objectively speaking, emotional attachment aside, H2’s maps are hard to top in terms of weapon placements, space, balance and themes.
By now it was 4 am so I decide to give campaign a shot before going to sleep. The first thing you’ll notice is graphics… Fuck… this shit looks amazing… Almost up there with Gears of War… even better in some areas like foliage, lights and overall ‘landscape’ and environment. Only complaint is the faces… They look kinda weird.
The story here is familiar… run towards your objective on a semi-established route killing enemies as you go and facing “unpredictable” obstacles (read: shit that happens just to spite you)… but I only played for half and hour so I don’t know. I did notice that now in some parts you have a few choices in terms of what path to take… but you still reach the same place. The AI is considerably better, I was playing in ‘Normal’ and the brutes behaved smarter than in H2, also if you kill the Brute leader the Grunts under it’s command will run away.Ok… what else… controls… ALMOST the same… but if you’re really used to the previous games you’ll have a few bumps to climb. the X button is now used to throw the “special” items (Bubble Shield, Grav Lift, etc.) of which you can only carry one… So you’ll find yourself throwing something you had on you because you really wanted to re-load or get into a vehicle, and believe it or not it can be dangerous. Now you press the right shoulder button to do everything you used to do with X and the left shoulder button to switch grenades and re-load the left weapon if you’re dual-wielding.
Another kinda-disappointment: Grenades. Now instead of Plasmas and Frags you also have Spike and flash grenades. All fine and dandy right? Nooooo… now you can only carry 2 of each… In theory it stays the same… you can still carry 8 grenades total… the problem is Spike and Flash Grenades are RARE to come by, especially Flash… I say you’ll spend 70% of the time carrying 4 grenades 20% with 6 and 10% with 8… It would have been better to add a grenade swapping thing like you do with weapons, or let you carry 4 of the old ones and 2 of the new ones or 4 of all of them.
2 more little complaints if you will… It sounds stupid but I don’t like how the Shield meter is now longer and on top of the screen, It worked better for me having it smaller and on top of the radar, because especially in Campaign, the radar is a tool you tend to rely on a lot. And even in no-radar multiplayer games, having it discreetly in a corner was better… It doesn’t really affect the gameplay but for me it’s kinda bothersome… Don’t let it affect you if you don’t care about these kinds of things. The other thing is the Overshield and Active camo are now like 2 huge light balls (red and blue, respectively) so they are pretty easy to spot now and are not really hidden, which sucks.
Music and sounds: The music is still awesome, I love the piano arrangement on the song at the main menu. In the campaign you’ll fin that your fellow marines and Elites talk more and actually give GOOD advice sometimes. In multiplayer the grunts and stuff you make when you get hit or die are more diverse. And you can choose the sex of your Spartan character so it’ll sound like a dude or a chick.
The new shit: All the vehicles we know and love return: Warthog, Banshee, Ghost, Wraith, etc. The new ones are the Mongoose (a speedy ATV with no guns, intended to be the ‘human Ghost’, it carries 2), The Brute chopper (A motorcycle type thing that’s kinda fast and shoots little ‘missiles’), The Hornet (A ‘human Banshee,’ read this in the paper, but I haven’t used it), and the Elephant (It’s awesome, it’s like a mobile base, it has a turret and you can get vehicles in it. It’s slow but it can’t be destroyed. You can fit like 10 people in it.) You can also pilot the Phantom and the Pelican now. There’s also the “special” items: Portable Grav Lift, Bubble Shield, Regenerator, Radar Jammer, Power Drain and Trip Mine. Already talked about the new grenades, Flash and Spike. The new guns are: The Spiker (like a Brute SMG, but a lil’ bit better.), the Marauder (Like a shotgun-type thing you can dual-wield, potential for awesome), The Assault Rifle from Halo 1 returns, Missile pod (carries 8 missiles more powerful than rockets, it slows you down.), the Gravity Hammer (remember that hammer the white Brute had at the end of H2? Yeah… It’s awesome), The Spartan Laser (it charges for like 2 seconds and fires a 1 shot kill for anything). That’s all I remember for now, there’s gotta be a list of all the new stuff somewhere so I guess you can Google it.
Well that’s pretty much all I can think of in the 3-4 hours I spent with the game, all of it mostly devoted to multiplayer. Overall it’s an awesome game… as expected: a better game all in all, but like everything it won’t be perfect and each of us will have some little problem with it. I’ll still keep playing H2 on Live… Because I like it’s maps more and today it’s just a better experience, multiplayer-wise. Obviously I’ll go more and more from 2 to 3 and eventually 3 will surpass it’s predecessors, but just like with Halo 1 and 2, It’ll be nice to pop in that old disc once in a while to remember how things used to be done.
I’m a huge Halo freak (books, graphic novel, online, forums, all that jazz) since I placed my paws on the HUGE Xbox controller and killed my first Elite… I though Halo 3 came too quickly… I mean Halo 2 still has a lot to give… I don’t think I’ve squeezed everything out of it… and believe me I’ve squeezed the shit out of it… So yeah… I didn’t even pre-order because I didn’t have a 360 until yesterday (Halo 3 edition woot! =]), because I couldn’t stand the fact that it was coming out and I wouldn’t be able to play it. My bro had his 360 but it’s busted and he hasn’t sent it for repairs. Anyways, the chick at GameStop told me they were taking pre-orders for the ‘normal edition’ game… If I wanted the legendary I had to buy a Gift Card for the amount of the game and they would write me down and I had to go pick it up at mid-night… and so I did… I went with my brother at about 11 pm to the mall… it was all closed so the line was actually in the food court… not too many people… about 50 or so… one line for the GameStop people and the other for the EB people. I went over to the GameStop line and the manager was handing out the lil’ Halo 3 brochures and checking people off on the pre-orders list… Anyways… 12 comes… and the fuckers instead of letting us go to the damn store to get our games… start to raffle out shit… everyone’s all pissed off… wondering why they didn’t do this before… anyways… at about 12:20 they start letting people in 5 by 5!!! to the store… escorted by a mall cop all the way… so we patiently wait… we see people coming out behind us… and the fucking mall cop lady (I shit you not) is escorting these kids with the Legendary edition outside… So my turn finally comes… We get escorted to the store… theres some guys playing the game on the displays… everything’s cool and peaceful… (I guess the 5 by 5 strategy works) I get my huge ass pretty box and a t-shirt… get escorted outside and drive home (thank god)… I get my 360 out of the box (This all started at about 7 pm when I headed off to buy the console) set it up, put the game in and begin to play. [Review on the next post]
Well I’m probably gonna get some shit for this but I like the Zune a lot just for the controls… click up, click down, left and right… really simple… like a D-Pad… I love D-Pads… nice and easy… I get annoyed by the clickwheel sometimes when I get past something then go up and overshoot by one or two clicks, then down, so on and so forth… It just happens sometimes. (Exactly, like driving… I click 5 times down, I get to where I want, don’t even have to get my eyes off the road… with the clickwheel I have to pay attention as to where I’m at, not too cool.)
As for the Nano, I’m all for it… It serves it’s purpose… but I wonder if a Touch the size of the Nano would be feasible; if not keep it as it is.
El Rustirino wrote:salad wrote:El Rustirino wrote:I love the touch, but the lack of space pushed me away.Why are you saying, what I’m saying is retarded if what I’m saying is what you want… <.<
Because I’m not the only person out there. I respect and honor that other people want something that I don’t, and I would rather let them have that, instead of just getting what I want, and everyone else having to deal with it.
well I think everyone who’s posted here prefers the Touch interface rather than the clickwheel… and I’d dare say the vast majority of iPod owners/buyers wouldsay the same…
El Rustirino wrote:I love the touch, but the lack of space pushed me away.Why are you saying, what I’m saying is retarded if what I’m saying is what you want… <.<
Well I understand that Apple (literally) has an iPod for everyone… but I think that they should have already started moving towards replacing the click-wheel models with the iPhone/Touch interface… instead of offering a lot of models that fit different demographics… because basically they’re keeping storage, portability, and “cool” factor separated. Ideally I’d have the shuffle, and the touch with all the storage capacities (4gb to 160gb). Maybe keep the Nano if a “mini” Touch would be ergonomically uncomfortable. I was really psyched for the Touch… but not having my complete library with me is a huge turn-off… regardless… Apple is doing it’s job (I guess…) so in the end I’ll be happy with my 160gb classic, and Paw Paw with his Touch and Mindy with her Nano and Fatty McFatfuck with his shuffle…
I totally agree with scat here… I hate how awesome technology comes at the expense of storage capacity… i have over 28 gigs of music and I’m not BSing you when I say I listen to almost all of it at one time or another… I’m the kind of guy who will listen to shit he hasn’t listened to in like forever… so I want to have ALL of my collection all the time… iPhone… what’s the point of it if I’d have to carry my iPod anyways because everything doesn’t fit in it too? iPod touch… why not sacrifice a bit more space and double de memory to 32 gigs to replace the regular iPod? for now I think I’m gonna go with the 160 gb classic… it’s still sexy and can hold infinite amounts of music and video…
