- This topic has 2 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 19 years ago by
.
-
Posts
-
Welcome bruthas and sistas. Welcome.
Welcome to another day, another night, another breath. Yes, WELCOME!
I am so glad to have you seated before me. So pleased that you take the time to listen, to think, to feel, to even possibly see the truth and the light that I am so blessed to bring to you today.
No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats.
Let me tell you a little story about cats before we get started today.
One of them shiiiieet in the drive the other day. Yes, it’s true. He spread his entrails of disgust in the drive of The Devine Bee! O-fence-ive lit-tle bas-tard! Now, I don’t often use words like that … but honestly that’s what it was. It was pure, unadulterated shomooguliegoo.
The funk emanated for TWO daaayszz before it rained and washed it away. Since then it has rained TWO more times and there is still a streak down the drive where the excrement was removed by the heavenly waters brought fourth by the Mighty Insect. Now, I don’t have to tell you our drive won’t be prostrated again by the bastard of fur as he is quite succinctly wrapped around the back tire of my 86 Elderado. Please be careful when leaving today as to not step in the pollution of the unjust.
Anyway, ha haaaAAAHH! We only have three hours together today so I must move on.
Establishing sound canons of interpretation I bring you the message, the word… THE LOooVvvE of the Bee! Right here. RIGHT NOOOWWW!
Many years ago, through an overabundant use of the ever so sweet grape Nighttrain, I was the Reverend Dr. that preeminently set the pattern for the exercise of that sobriety which guards the science of alcoholism. Thy cannot befall to the depths of the grape Nighttrain and not feel the grips of the juicy berries! And if it be deemed a great wickedness to contaminate thy bottle of Train, thy shall throw thyself unto the floor and beg for forgiveness. If thy fails to do so thy will be permanently discredited and abandoned FOREVER!
ONLY the love of the Bee can protect you against those distortions and perversions to which allegorizing methods are ever prone to the subject of the auto taxman. Damn him, damn him straight into the bowels of the Insect’s deepest regions for taking the license plate off of my 86 Elderado with the imitation rag top and high wax shine.
I originate all true wisdom. When you embrace with reverence the testimony which The Bee hath been great-full enough to share with thee you will be full with the seeds of love. Obedience is the source. You know this. YESSAA! Bow your heads with me for a short moment.
Ah yes! Let me put my hands on your shoulder for just a minute. You’ll feel a poking sensation; it’s the POWER of the Bee’s Knees! Ahh, you feel it! YES! FEEL IT. AHHHH! So hot it burns my fingers! But I will not let up. NO NO! Not until you feel the tingling sensation of the love throughout your bodies!
Notice the pluralization of my words.
Like eating a fresh slice of water melon on a hot summer day. The juice is so refreshing. Can’t you just taste it! YYEESSSAAAA!!! PRAAAISE the BEEEEEE!
Don’t forget to spit out the seeds so that more plants may grow and prosper on the fertile land which we call mother earth, the home laaaaand (the word land is sung out). YES! Spread the joyous sweet mellow melon as you would your dollars in a strip club!
Yes…. I know! I know you have visited these establishments! HOLD YOUR HEAD IN SHAME! (Unless it was the club down on Fifth Street as I am part owner and we have nothing but SHAMELESS FUN, full, live interaction and we don’t close until 4 AM brothas and sistas!!!)
Wow, that made my head start to pound. He he he. Yesssaaa!
Whhooo! Bruthas and sistas, I bring you the word in a way best fitted to commend it to the apprehension and acceptance of the stinking hide. Yet many of you still aren’t full believers. I know you’re out there. Hanging on the edge. Wondering if you should make the leap. Well I say RIGHT NOW! JUMP OFF! Annnnndddd go! Digests the truth! No longer shall you be suffused with the cold chills of fear and strange bed fellows. I will come into your homes and rid you of the strangeness! You will FEEL THE LOVE and be free once again!
When is enough, enough? When are you going to make the move and send the prophets Rob, Bryan and Jerry fifty dollars?
If any faults have passed you, I beseech you! Show me your patience; let them have your money as you have had my ever so precious time! You don’t need Moneaay. It will only corrupt your soul!
You cannot claim undue hardship when accommodating fear, sin and money. Let it go! Let my hand slide into your pocket and rip out all the pain and evil you keep hidden with the pocket lint! You ladies have holes in your pocket that lead to deeper sin??? I will reach in and calm the muddy waters with the testimony of the Insect’s Loveaahh!
YeeesssaaaHHhh!
I can pierce through the layers of sterile soil and give you the answers you have been looking for OOOHHHHaa so long!
Such work requires linguistic skill of the highest order. I have that skill. I have that order and will share it with you so that you may bear fruit some day in such a harvest the next time we meetaah!
Thank you, Thank you bruthas and sistas! Now we must move forward into the day. Tackle today’s problems with strength and conviction knowing that I and the Mighty Bee are by your side..
Preach it Reverend!!!
Anoint thineself with the Bee’s Wax of truth and wholesomeness….
Blessed be to thine “ah-prostate’s” that catapulted chickens into the wicked land of vagrancies. Bless me father for I have sensed against thine.
Oh, and may the giant Bee bless Bryan, Rob and Jerry.
AmenDr Reverend, I come to the doors of your place of celebration and worship but I’m hesitant to come in. How can I follow a man who won’t use a hose to cleanse the excrement of the demon cat from his path? Plus I’m allergic to bees, I’m supposed to carry an adrenaline shot.
- Women sense my power and they seek the life essence.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.