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HA! That is strange. I can’t imagine a world with no hemorrhoids for six months.
- Women sense my power and they seek the life essence.
Well, don’t worry Rob… you’ll rewrite that statement a bit as insane stupid hot summer in TX is coming, and sweat means you probably won’t be referring to your butthole as a gloriously clean kneecap. 😉
Figured I’d go ahead and give an update, such as it is.
Wow, this is incredibly frustrating stuff. I’m able to stand by myself and walk by myself for short distances, but it’s extremely taxing. For example, if I walk to the bathroom and then back to my chair in the living room, I almost always have to have a nap afterwards. Wow.
I know that my working out for months prior to all of this was extremely beneficial, but it really sucks right now. Almost all of my muscle is gone. I weighed yesterday – 166 lbs. I seriously have no idea the last time I weighed that little – like it has to be my freshman or sophomore year in high school.
The truth is, I’m slowly getting my strength back, but it’s just depressing to see how far I have to go. I guess that’s just part of the game at this point, so I’m really trying to stay positive.
Man, that does sound like a trip Robby. You must be so knackered lately you can’t even get mad when you see the Marky Mark Trans4mers ads.
As we say in NZ, kia kaha bro. Also, I don’t know if this will help you, but whenever I need to stay positive I watch the dance scene from Napolean Dynamite and it teaches me that dreams can come true.
- Women sense my power and they seek the life essence.
Hey, guys, update time! Able to take my first shower today, and it was incredibly exhausting. Because my incision is an open wound, and it has to heal from the inside out, there is a thing called a wound vac that compresses the wound in order to promote quick healing. That is the reason why it’s so hard to walk and do anything, really – it’s also compressing my diaphragm, so I get winded very easily.
The crazy thing is my weight – I weighed 152 lbs this morning. I used to have large legs, almost like volleyball player type legs. Now they’re like chicken legs. It really is strange. When all of the water weight from all the fluids the hospital was pumping into me finally started to disappear and started to show, it really depressed me because of all of the hard work I’d put in. It’s not so bad now, but it’s still strange.
Now, it’s just that restlessness. I’m not really bored, I’m just ready for people to not have to give me so much medical attention. Just some independence. I miss driving – it’d be nice to jump in the car and go get some tacos.
But hey, I’m still progressing, and I’m still being as positive as possible.
It’s understandable that you miss your Pat Barry legs, but Jon Jones legs can come in pretty useful too you know.
- Women sense my power and they seek the life essence.
It’s been another month Rob, how you doin’ lately?
- Women sense my power and they seek the life essence.
Ah, yes. Can’t believe it’s been so long since I updated. Not a whole lot’s happened, unfortunately.
So, remember that wound vac? Yeah, it’s supposed to suck the wound closed so it will heal faster. What they’re also known for is sucking the small intestine UNDER the wound. So now there’s a whole at the bottom of the wound leaking poop into the wound. Now, according to my doctor, this is very common with these wound vacs, unfortunately, so they’ve taken it off and now we just have to do wet/dry dressings using gauze like the old days. The good news is that this isn’t as restricting as the wound vac was, so I’ve been able to get around much better. The bad news is that the wound is healing slower than it would if the wound vac was still attached, meaning I still need constant changing of this dressing (about every 2-6 hours, depending on whatever the hell my body ends up doing. Seriously, there’s no damn pattern at all, which is frustrating.) The other issue with it is the constant fear of leaking a lovely mixture of poop, pus, and blood at any given moment down the front of whatever garb I’ve decided to wear that day. It’s a disgusting mixture, and although it is sort of amazing and almost humbling to see such an example of the intricacy and perseverance of the human body, it sort of dampens any sort of plans we might make of venturing outside the house for fear I might make putrid puddles in whatever establishment we might wish to frequent.
Yesterday, April took a trip back to Singapore, and she will be there for the next six (!) weeks, back for a week, and then she’ll go back for another six weeks. She’s really been an amazing nurse, so I was sorry to see her go for many reasons. It hasn’t really sunk in yet that I won’t see her again until July.
This wound is healing fairly quickly though, and once it’s completely healed, then the 6 month clock will start, at the end of which will be the surgery reversing the ileostomy and returning my famed butthole and surrounding midsection to its former glory. The wound healing also means I’ll be able to return to work, which strangely enough, I’m very much anticipating.
It really has been a tragedy of significant proportions that your famed butthole has been out of action for so long. It’s the equivalent of seeing Dominic Cruz have to spend years of what should be his prime sidelined with his knee troubles. And I don’t mean it’s kind of like that, I mean it is that.
- Women sense my power and they seek the life essence.
I think you’re right – I should contact Dominic, and tell him the story about how we’re practically brothers.
Finally an update – I did a short show talking about the latest developments.
Thanks for the update Robby, very glad you got mostly good news. Even though you’re clearly some kind of weird mutant.
p.s. For part of this episode I was on the shitter. Coincidence? Or the guiding of a Divine Hand? I’ll let you be the judge.
- Women sense my power and they seek the life essence.
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