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Mines a large manly beer.
(No Whales were harmed during the making of said beer)
(Not even for the head of the beer)
Here you go Bartender, I seem to have gone off my beer.
If it doesn’t work, jam a screwdriver in there and jiggle it about.
New topic: embarassing/awkward stories from our youth.
Offhand, I can’t recall many. There was the time I locked myself in the garage and didn’t know how to use a deadbolt, so I cried and pounded on the door until my mom heard and had to unlock it for me.
Another was when I was kicked out of a Little League game cuz I tackled the catcher. The coach didn’t believe me when I said he was crowding the plate. I think he (the catcher) also left the game a tad concussed.
I smashed my balls on the gooseneck of my bike (bike stops, junior Bucho doesn’t) and they swelled up for a week. I walked even funnier than normal and I had to move reeeeeal slow. I was about 10.
- Women sense my power and they seek the life essence.
All right. If we’re going down this road, might as well pull out the picnic basket:
When I was a boy (by boy I mean three, maybe four) I was at Myrtle Beach with my family. We were up on the balcony and apparently, as my father tells it, I squeezed my head through some pillars to look at the pretty girls in the bikinis. Well, for whatever reason, the head fit in but not so much on the way out. They got my head out (don’t know what lube was used) but they had to get ointment for my ears since they cut the backs of them trying to get me out.
Then there was the time I was playing badminton in middle school on the stage of the gym. I revved back to smack the everlovin’ hell out of the birdie, smacked my wrist on the wall and promptly fell on said wrist, thereby breaking it. Yes, I broke my wrist … playing badminton.
Then there was the time when I was about 10 or so and there was an old vacuum cleaner on my grandmother’s porch. So, I did the most logical thing I could; I grabbed the cord and started to do my best Tarzan swing over the side of the porch, yell and all. Of course, the old vacuum was no match to my size and gravity and it fell over, sending me falling straight down. Luckily for me, an old car part was there to buffer my arm as it hit the ground. I ended up cutting my arm wide open, needing 18 stitches and four in the muscle to close it back up. As a side note, I went back to a different doctor who thought it was time to take the stitches out. Oops. Not so fast. As soon as he cut the first stitch, the whole wound kinda split open again. I now have a wonderfully thick scar on my arm from that one.
Oh there are so many others, like hurting my knee playing football because a tackling dummy (not a real person, but one of the actually dummies) fell over and twisted it, etc. We’ll just leave it at that for tonight.
I sharted something fierce in 3rd grade and went to the office, called my dad, and went home. Missing school due to shitting oneself rules!
I’ve gotta get some work done this morning, so I won’t spend a lot of time explaining this one but… I broke my collar bone playing flag football. That’s right, touch football.
I ruined my shoes trying to stand on the toilet to see out the window in 3rd grade. My foot went right in the toilet.
I won an award in 9th grade for basketball…went up to accept it in front of the whole school with toilet paper on the bottom of my shoe (no joke)
two unrelated toilet shoe incidents involving school……that kinda shit will scar a kid.
We were playing Basketball at school and somebody swapped it for a medicine ball and threw that at me.
I, not spotting the swap and being the halfwit that I was at school, decided to bounce it off my head and into the hoop.
Horrible metal taste ensued, along with tunnel vision.
If it doesn’t work, jam a screwdriver in there and jiggle it about.
Speaking of basketball. I tried out for the team in 9th grade. Now, I do have the skills but this decision was idiotic and I think political. I didn’t make it but the 6th man from last year that couldn’t try out and play for some of the regular season games because of a broken leg, made it. So Coach, go fuck yourself.
I played basketball at school for a couple of seasons too. I was shit and played for the B-team but where I really excelled was as coach of the female mudwrestling and beach volleyball squads. God I trained them hard.
- Women sense my power and they seek the life essence.
“Training” involved a tub of vaseline, some crazy straws, a kiddie pool filled with mayonaise, and a live goat. I swear, they be crazy in New Zealand!
That’s not the standard training regimen in the US yet? Damn, I thought my innovative methods would catch on worldwide and I’d become a messiah of womens mudwrestling and beach volleyball coaches everywhere. It’s a goddamned travesty that I’m not regarded as a genius and that articles aren’t written about my visionary tactics that call me a “guru”.
But they’ll see in the end. They will see …
- Women sense my power and they seek the life essence.
Bucho wrote:That’s not the standard training regimen in the US yet? Damn, I thought my innovative methods would catch on worldwide and I’d become a messiah of womens mudwrestling and beach volleyball coaches everywhere. It’s a goddamned travesty that I’m not regarded as a genius and that articles aren’t written about my visionary tactics that call me a “guru”.But they’ll see in the end. They will see …
Dude, I’ve always considered you to be a visionary :)You see things, so you have vision, therefore you’re a visionary!
Frank wrote:Bucho wrote:That’s not the standard training regimen in the US yet? Damn, I thought my innovative methods would catch on worldwide and I’d become a messiah of womens mudwrestling and beach volleyball coaches everywhere. It’s a goddamned travesty that I’m not regarded as a genius and that articles aren’t written about my visionary tactics that call me a “guru”.But they’ll see in the end. They will see …
Dude, I’ve always considered you to be a visionary :)You see things, so you have vision, therefore you’re a visionary!
That’s because you’re awesome Frank. By the way, there’s a position on my women’s volleyball squad coaching staff for a suncream application officer I’m holding open for you if you ever find yourself emigrating down under.
- Women sense my power and they seek the life essence.
Bucho wrote:Frank wrote:Bucho wrote:That’s not the standard training regimen in the US yet? Damn, I thought my innovative methods would catch on worldwide and I’d become a messiah of womens mudwrestling and beach volleyball coaches everywhere. It’s a goddamned travesty that I’m not regarded as a genius and that articles aren’t written about my visionary tactics that call me a “guru”.But they’ll see in the end. They will see …
Dude, I’ve always considered you to be a visionary :)You see things, so you have vision, therefore you’re a visionary!
That’s because you’re awesome Frank. By the way, there’s a position on my women’s volleyball squad coaching staff for a suncream application officer I’m holding open for you if you ever find yourself emigrating down under.
Dude, I’d totally be there, but Bing won’t let me go! He keeps me locked up in the basement … I’ve … I’ve said too much all ready …
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