I’ll help. I’m fluent in all this.
“Gentlemen, I would like to make a most stunning announcement. It was my day of birth yesterday. Cheers, tea and crumpets, all that. My pubic hairs now go up to my nipples, smashing, wouldn’t you say? Although I do need to get my bush shaved, it’s not going to ruin this most perfect of days. My penis is now TWO inches long! Brilliant! Windows Vista is quite horrid, gents. Tally ho!”