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Who the Hell listens to SOS part 3 — The "Scatt"-

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Who the Hell listens to SOS part 3 — The "Scatt"-

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  • #1662
    Bing
    Participant

    …and on the 8th day the Lord created Scatt…..and everything else went straight to hell.

    ….and so mighty Scatt, the time has come for you to join the ranks of the tested…..remember, no touching yourself until AFTER you are done.

    As the Chosen One (chosen by Newman at least) these are the questions given to you by the aforementioned Newman

    1. Boxers or Briefs
    2. What is your most memorable internet moment?
    3. Hemi?

    Answer well and the Newman will be pleased.

    ….and now for the Bing-examination proper…

    12 – Let’s say you find yourself in a hot-tub with 3 playmates and one “gut-busting-make you sweat from the face” case of diarrhea. You know you could blow ass and blame one of the girls. By what criteria do you pick the girl to blame and why?

    11 – You’re driving on a long road trip listening to some SOS show favorites (perhaps a Bing edit too huh? Maybe?). You see a harmless hitchhiker and pick her up. After making sure you aren’t gonna be stabbed or worse you decide to share some SOS listening enjoyment with your pretty passenger. After a few minutes she says to you “Yeah I used to date one of those guys, he was into some really wierd stuff”. Do you respect the privacy of your show hosts or do you pick her brain for every last detail of the torrid affair?

    10 – You and Mrs. Scatt decide to invite your Mom and Dad (or hers) over for dinner one night. After a hearty meal of bantha steaks and blue milk, the family decides to watch a movie together. About an hour into “SOS The Movie part 2: Bryan’s Bunion” the tape suddenly cuts to your honeymoon video. There for all the world to see is you in a goat suit suspended from the ceiling fan while your wife, wearing a David Hasselhoff mask, applies butter to the family dog.
    ( no one can see your faces in the shocking video)
    Do you say….
    a- “Yeah those SOS’ers are a weird bunch”
    b- “Next time honey, use low fat margarine”
    c- “Dammit Bucho stop using my camcorder!”

    9 – Choose.
    -punch a nun in the face
    -yell “F-you” to a cop
    -grab a dude’s ass

    8 – Toothpaste—Mint, paste, mixed, or cinnamon?

    7 – If Bryan can’t understand Rob and Jerry never talks…then will Phil still be drunk on the voicemail?

    6 – You are given one million dollars that must be used only to promote the SOS show. Being the kind and generous soul that you are, you decide to invite one celebrity to hang out with each SOS’er for a day (3 celebs total) who do you pick and who hangs out with whom?……(oh, by the way due to the restraining order Rob cannot be within 5,000 feet of Lindsey Lohan..you hafta pick someone else for him.)

    5 – If you were to be elected King of the World what major appliance would you outlaw?

    4 – Saber Color? (EU colors are permitted)

    3 – Last night while you were asleep all the dumbasses and idiots of the world disappear in what scientist term “the Crapture” (not affiliated with any religious ideals or prophecies…just a plot point in the question). Name a few people who are still left around when you wake up.

    2 – A deranged and drunk genie turns you into a woman for 24 hours. What do you do?
    (I usually don’t answer my own questions but let’s just say my day would involve a mirror, no clothes, and a trampoline….bing)

    And here we are…..

    1 – In the Philosophy of Materialism it is believed that all decisions we make and desires we have are directly attributable to chemical and molecular changes in our body chemistry. Therefore, according to this belief, if you have a craving for pizza then your body is deficient in some way to the ingredients found in pizza, hence your desire for it. Using this information as a model describe how and why the term “waggly penis” is so funny to all SOS fans.

    And so it ends….Scatt, thanks for playing and good luck on your next task, which is to choose our next contestant and 3 questions (P.M. me the name and the questions)

    #19957
    Version3
    Keymaster

    Fuck, my head may explode from laughter bythe time this process has run it’s course. 🙂

    #19961
    Scatt
    Participant

    Alright, let’s give this a whirl:

    Thanks Newmaugh for electing me to be tested beyond the likes of mere mortal flesh satchels filled with blood, semen, and bone stew.

    1. Boxers or Briefs?

    Boxers most of the time, but briefs on those super-hot days when the belief that kneeing yourself in the balls while simply walking is perfectly plausible.

    2. What is your most memorable internet moment?

    That would have to be the time that I was walked in on while teabagging myself for the webcam. Yeah, go on and make fun of me because I was still living with my mother at the time.

    3. Hemi?

    Yes, but since I’m not a car guy, I’m saying yes to ‘Hemi-Sync’. An audio process developed by The Monroe Institute that contains binaural beats to equalize brain-wave patterns to help induce altered states of consciousness… What? I’m into it, don’t look at me weird.

    Aye, Bing!…Scatt!

    12 – Let’s say you find yourself in a hot-tub with 3 playmates and one “gut-busting-make you sweat from the face” case of diarrhea. You know you could blow ass and blame one of the girls. By what criteria do you pick the girl to blame and why?

    Well, first I would attempt to pass off the inevitable ‘over-animated suprised just dumped myself revelation’ face as shock to the realization that the girl next to me is a filthy beast. Then I’d instinctively over react thinking if I succeed, then the other two girls that now stink of human decay from their waists down will still double-team me. Like I said though, I’d over react, which means I’ll repeat the line, “Aww!! *sniff sniff* Aww!!”, get up out of the tub with my ass looking like a Friendly’s Sundae menu, and chide the ugliest of the three for making the room smell like egg salad and french toast.

    11 – You’re driving on a long road trip listening to some SOS show favorites (perhaps a Bing edit too huh? Maybe?). You see a harmless hitchhiker and pick her up. After making sure you aren’t gonna be stabbed or worse you decide to share some SOS listening enjoyment with your pretty passenger. After a few minutes she says to you “Yeah I used to date one of those guys, he was into some really wierd stuff”. Do you respect the privacy of your show hosts or do you pick her brain for every last detail of the torrid affair?

    I wouldn’t share that information, but my image of that person would be sullied forever. It’s like hearing about your friend liking to be pee’d on or that your Kindergarden teacher was a cutter. Any time that person makes you laugh from that point on will trigger the trivia at hand, then it’s like, “Hahaha-eughohyeah”…

    10 – You and Mrs. Scatt decide to invite your Mom and Dad (or hers) over for dinner one night. After a hearty meal of bantha steaks and blue milk, the family decides to watch a movie together. About an hour into “SOS The Movie part 2: Bryan’s Bunion” the tape suddenly cuts to your honeymoon video. There for all the world to see is you in a goat suit suspended from the ceiling fan while your wife, wearing a David Hasselhoff mask, applies butter to the family dog.
    ( no one can see your faces in the shocking video)
    Do you say….
    a- “Yeah those SOS’ers are a weird bunch”
    b- “Next time honey, use low fat margarine”
    c- “Dammit Bucho stop using my camcorder!”

    Definitely c- “Dammit Bucho stop using my camcorder!”, followed by, “See? I told you he’s a weirdo when I said he doesn’t like burps”.

    9 – Choose.
    -punch a nun in the face
    -yell “F-you” to a cop
    -grab a dude’s ass

    -yell “F-you” to a cop. This one for sure. I’d be all like, “Fuck tha police! *wiki-wiki* Fuck-ima-fuck-ima-fuck tha police!”. I’d be lettin’ mah nutz hang like a true G would. Then I’d be all like, “Y’aw honky muhfuckaz ain’t good for nuthin’ but gettin’ all up in tha way and givin’ each otha hand jobs in tha Taco Bell parkin’ lot! Byatch!”.

    8 – Toothpaste—Mint, paste, mixed, or cinnamon?

    Mint or paste. I don’t go for that vanilla, cinnamon, or orange crap. Mint or orignal paste are the only ones that don’t feel like you’re mashing a sugary donut into your teeth.

    7 – If Bryan can’t understand Rob and Jerry never talks…then will Phil still be drunk on the voicemail?

    Of course he’d be drunk. He’d be drinking away the sorrows of listening to what a shitty show that would make.

    6 – You are given one million dollars that must be used only to promote the SOS show. Being the kind and generous soul that you are, you decide to invite one celebrity to hang out with each SOS’er for a day (3 celebs total) who do you pick and who hangs out with whom?……(oh, by the way due to the restraining order Rob cannot be within 5,000 feet of Lindsey Lohan..you hafta pick someone else for him.)

    I would pick 50 Cent to hang out with Bryan, Bonnie Hunt to hang out with Jerry, and Bryant Gumbel to hang out with Rob.

    5 – If you were to be elected King of the World what major appliance would you outlaw?

    That would have to be the “Toaster Oven”, because if I want toasted fucking bread, I’d put it in a “toaster”. If I can’t be patient and creative with little time consuming twenty minute bagel arts and crafts projects, no one can!

    4 – Saber Color? (EU colors are permitted)

    Since I’m not a Star Wars fan and I’m also color-blind, I find this question unacceptable on all points of the board. But, in consideration of the fact that you offered me sex in return of my honest answer, I’ll say this; I’d be the only dude running around with a pink colored lightsaber because I think it’s grey. So instead, I’d go with a cool blue, and everyone would call me fruit because it’s friggin’ purple. So in the end, I say I’d play it safe and just throw all the colors together, because c’mon, how could that be gay?

    3 – Last night while you were asleep all the dumbasses and idiots of the world disappear in what scientist term “the Crapture” (not affiliated with any religious ideals or prophecies…just a plot point in the question). Name a few people who are still left around when you wake up.

    Not to suck hard on balls, but the people from the podcast boards I frequent which definitely includes this one. Also, all the movie actors and comedians I like, like Doug Stanhope, John Leguizamo, etc… I don’t know, basically all the people who entertain me.

    I was pondering this one just now, and reminded myself that I don’t like people very much, so I’ll say the ones that do get taken are the captialist industrial and world leaders who block the growth and natural evolution of humanity by ways such as deny, threaten, and even kill people who introduce cleaner and/or more abundant fuel sources for the favor of their current investments in destructive and dying economies… Uh…Shaquille O’Neal dick sooo big.

    2 – A deranged and drunk genie turns you into a woman for 24 hours. What do you do?
    (I usually don’t answer my own questions but let’s just say my day would involve a mirror, no clothes, and a trampoline….bing)

    I’d probably be the freakiest lesbo you’ve ever seen. I’d go to the nearest university wheeling a keg with one hand and touching my titties with the other. What did you think I was going to say, “Try on shoes all day”?

    1 – In the Philosophy of Materialism it is believed that all decisions we make and desires we have are directly attributable to chemical and molecular changes in our body chemistry. Therefore, according to this belief, if you have a craving for pizza then your body is deficient in some way to the ingredients found in pizza, hence your desire for it. Using this information as a model describe how and why the term “waggly penis” is so funny to all SOS fans.

    Well, instead of going into an elaborate essay about all the details, I’ll leave you with this to ruminate on; I believe it was Freud who said something like, ‘Deep down, all men want to donkey punch their mothers, also to run freely through the ivory and ebony forest with branches smacking them in the face”.

    #19962
    Frank
    Participant

    Oh my god, stop, please stop, my stomach’s killing me and if I laugh any more tonight, I honestly think I’m going to die!!!!

    AAAYYYYYY, DIEEEE!!!!!

    IMSAYIN

    #19959
    rob
    Participant

    Okay — we have the coolest fans, number one. Number two, there seems to be more creative talent on this board than Hollywood. And number three — well, shit, man, the first two are good enough, doncha think?

    #19960
    Newman
    Participant

    Agreeeeeeed!

    #19958
    Bucho
    Participant

    I’m just gonna say this and set myself up for accusations of fagness but I just feel lucky to even get to be amongst cats this funny and read this shit. Like Rob said, there’s natural creative talent up the fuckin wazoo with some of you guys, my jaw just hangs open sometimes. That’s one of the reasons I wear this bib.

    - Women sense my power and they seek the life essence.

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