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The SOS moments…

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The SOS moments…

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    I find myself, in the absence of doing the show, saying things that I feel belong on the show. And I think that they should be dubbed “SOS moments”. I’ll give you two examples from today…

    My wife and I finished watching “The Number 23”, and we both kinda didn’t like it, but we couldn’t really put a finger on why. I think it unraveled at a point almost exactly in the middle of it, right after he finishes the book. I said —

    “It came apart like a bowl of crap in a washing machine.”

    Now, of course, this made me wife laugh, but not in a, “Hey, that was pretty funny!” way, but more in a, “That was so ridiculous!” kind of way. I am, as you all know, used to that kind of reaction from people to many of the things I say.

    The second came later, while my wife was looking at a webpage about incorrect uses of words. She was saying that “hanged” is like “A person was hanged” and “hung” is like “A picture was hung.” So “hung” refers to objects, not people. I said —

    “But what about ‘He was hung like a circus bear’.”

    My wife looked at me with a slight smile on her face, and of course, I cracked up, delighted to use a choice nugget of switched:ON goodness in a normal conversation. She said, “You really need a new outlet for that stuff,” and turned away, obviously reviled at her husband using an innocent conversation to talk about some imaginary person’s manhood.

    I tried to explain the humor involved in this joke as I did on the show, pointing out that circus bears, in essence, are not known for their gigantic anatomy, even though a circus bear does probably have a member much larger than a man’s, but maybe not so in proportion to their bodies.

    Anyway, I am explaining things that do not need explaining. The whole point is, even though lately I have found that I have been less humorous because of the soul-sucking job I have been doing, I do find the times to have those SOS moments. Hopefully soon, there will be many more to come, because when I finally get off the sales floor and into the back, my mind will be much less swamped.

    Any SOS moments happening to you guys?


    Mine don’t come from original comments as much as quoting stuff you guys said.

    “Wha-Wha-Whazzit Hot?!” (Bryan)
    This is used almost daily, a handy little phrase that’s as much fun to say as it is to laugh at.

    “Bobbit” (Jerry)
    Amazing how versatile this word is.

    “All I’m saying is I would like to chew gum at some point” Jerry ANH commentary
    Not easy to get in a conversation, but it cracks me up and no one ever has a clue what I am talking about evern AFTER I explain it

    That fake laugh Rob would do when making fun of someone Rob
    Yeah, this annoys the hell outta the wife but damn I love doing it

    “I wanna put it in her butt” Rob
    Used a little differently than you did it. I usually say it when I see the most horribly fat and/or ugly woman on TV.

    There are many small one-liners I quote but the sad thing is no one will ever know where I get them from. People laugh their butts off and I always give credit to you guys (although I did take credit for PawPaw once just to keep it simple) people say “Yeah I should listen to them” but then the buttlickers never do.

    Every SOS is full of chunky quotable goodness. Its the podcast you eat with a fork.

    I also make the “El Nacho” noise a lot too. Of course you gotta consider on any given Saturday I have one earphone in and playing SOS for at least 5 or 6 hours a day. No drug or medicine can reduce my blood pressure and stress quicker than SOS. So much so in fact I think you guys might be able to get some money from my health insurance company.

    Get my number from Bryan and feel free to call whenever you need to have an SOS moment. I’m always in the mood for SOS goodness. Or I can call your co-workers and fuck with them….

    El Rustirino

    Hmm, I’m confused. Have you guys recorded 150 yet?


    **smacks Rusty in the face with a dead fish**

    Pay attention boy!


    another thing that I say a lot is
    “Joan Wilder?!?…THE Joan Wilder!!!??”
    but I’ve been doing that for years, so I can’t really claim that as a SOS’inism…..

    Since we are on the subject of the SOS’erinistics I gotta admit I don’t know where the belch “Oh sorry Bucho” came from, even though I say it sometimes after I burp.

    Oh, and I also yell “NEWMAN!!!” for no reason sometimes


    As far as the quotable stuff goes, “My penis won’t get hard after the fire,” has a special resonance with me but I don’t go to therapy so I don’t know exactly why. Also from Rob, the way he sometimes says, “Man, fuck [insert object of pretend anger],” where the “fuck” is up in volume and pitch, like a comical aural sucker punch. You know what the hell I mean.

    As far as just the general SOS vibe goes I’m more prone to taking discussions to ridiculous places just to see the looks on peoples’ faces now than I used to be. I mean, I’ve always done it with my bros or cousins or friends but now I’ll do it with strangers, farm animals and policemen too. I have Jerry Markham to thank for that.

    Once upon a time the Into-Mic-Belch was like audio kryptonite to me. It was in the early part of my podcast listening era and in the same way as some podcasters fell for the lie that dropping excessive f-bombs was dangerously edgy I heard too many podcasters also burping straight down the mic in what seemed like the same kind of try-hard pussy rebellion.

    The irritating lameness of the distraction turned me off all but the very best of podcasts, one of which was the magnificently natural vibe of SOS. It had been love at first listen with these Texan reprobates but the fingers-down-blackboard effect of the Into-Mic-Belch knows no boundaries so I wrote the chaps just to get it off my chest, not thinking I would get anything in return except an increase in Into-Mic-Belching and hopefully some humorous taunting.

    Somehow just the fact the boys acknowledged my email was proof enough that it wasn’t the same infantile attempt to push the limits of the brave new podcasting frontier that I’d heard from many other podcasts and since that day none of the multitude of SOS burps (99% from Rob) has bugged me in the slightest. It’s not that I’m cured, I still hate it from all but a very few other podcasters (HDR represent), but in relation to SOS it got to the point that every time there was a “sorry Bucho” I felt like a fool for ever bringing it up and doubting the pureness of the SOS boys’ souls on the matter. Before long, even though there was still no reason the burper couldn’t lean away from the mic to burp, I barely noticed the burp itself and was just flattered they even remembered the name of this one little fan from way the hell out in the South Pacific.

    And that’s the touching and timeless story of how a simple Buddha from Down Under became known as Sorry Bucho, the sorriest son-of-a-bitch even to strap on a Switched ON Show and turn the volume up to 11.

    - Women sense my power and they seek the life essence.


    I annoy the crap out of people with the Arnold noises you guys always do.

    Oh and like Bing, I use the “stoned” laugh that Rob does so well. And I get a lot of strange looks.


    Maybe one day Rob will tell us the story behind that laugh.

    Thanks Budda!! Now I understand….thanks for the backstory, I’m a nasty summbitch myself and never even think of other people when I belch, I make up for it by not farting too loudly in public.

    El Rustirino

    At lunch, I would sing a bunch of songs you guys did. I did the Paw-Paw one you guys did (Paw-Paw came over here to stay with us last weekend yadda yadda), the Chocolate Finger song (I do this a lot whenever I listen to OL), the America shit (ABORTION AND GENOCIDE’S WHAT MAKES THIS COUNTRY GREAT), Billy was Good, all those. But something me and my friend Matt will do sometimes is do a..I don’t know what you would call it. A Doobie Bros. type of thing with the Orange Lounge.

    Good times.


    The laugh, to me at least, is a mixture between Matthew McConaughey in Dazed and Confused and Nate and Di.


    Someone lube up a microphone and get Rob to bend over. He’s going to need it soon.

    As for myself, when it comes to daily Switched: On moments, its generally in the form of little songs. I’ll start singing some little song, and I’ll think, “I need to do that one up and post it on the forums!” Of course it never happens.


    Funny you should say that Sean, in the last week I’ve had Retard In My Closet stuck in my head days after listening to it and even with having other songs in my head in between times. It just came back into my head randomly without any other stimulus.

    Bing wrote:
    Maybe one day Rob will tell us the story behind that laugh.

    Thanks Budda!! Now I understand….thanks for the backstory, I’m a nasty summbitch myself and never even think of other people when I belch, I make up for it by not farting too loudly in public.

    No worries me old cobber. Thing is, belching in real life never bothers me even a little bit unless it stinks, it’s just the direct down the mic into my precious earal cavity burp that’s like being poked in the kidney by a rampaging humpback whale erection.

    - Women sense my power and they seek the life essence.

    El Rustirino

    All Jerry’s Matrix stuff

    “Do you think that’s air you’re breathing right now? Shmuck?”

    The little grunt Robby does

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