February 1, 2007 at 6:44 pm #1451
Brothers and Sisters (hopefully soon), this is a place we can gripe, bitch, wish upon, praise, and to honor. No rules apply here. So if you wanted say that you wish John Day from Blimpie gets fired, then go ahead. Or if your woman made your favorite dish when you got home, you say good things. For yours truly, I want my father in-law to choke on food and pass out. And hope that my sister gets a new job.
Reverend Bing and Frank will be in at times of whenever. And remember I am not a reverend, father, priest, pastor, but I am your Lord Octavious.February 1, 2007 at 7:24 pm #17669
Join me in prayer…
Oh Lord Octavious….creator of all that is smelly and slightly stale..we thank thee for the chewy moistness of your bland potato chips and watered-down salsa dip.
Give us thine blessing and watch over us when we poo. Let us not have velcro turds that paper alone cannot wipe away. Give us fiber smooth and stank free poo that requires little clean-up. Lead us not into the temptation of stinking up the whole bathroom and forgive us when we clog the toilet as we will forgive those that don’t courtesy flush.
And give our younger brother’s sense’s the strength oh Sithy-ness, to hear Grandma approaching so that they may not be caught whacking by her. And give them good porn too…let them not whank to fat hairy cooter from CVS.
And be with the unfortunate damn foriengers like Bucho who aren’t lucky enough to be American. Have mercy on them as they eat bugs and rape chickens for fun. Give them plenty of toilet paper and keep them happy, so that their dumb accent speaking asses don’t ruin the purity of the wholesome American people with our genius schoolkids and low crime and poverty rates…not to mention our just and open-minded leadership from “W”….In other words—keep ’em out….until we declare war on them too for some reason or another….
Lastly Oh Dear Gracious and Smelley Lord Octavious, forgive us for all of our transgressions. Have mercy on us for the self-fornication, dick jokes, public flatulence, and downright vagrantness of our lives…show us the way to BoobyLon so that we too may partake in the great Cleavage Waterslide of Heaven.
In the name of the Holy Trinity we ask these things.
From Bryan’s Buttocks to Rob’s Rectum, to Jerry’s Jizzm we pray
apologizes to Christians and Foreigners..…
-bingFebruary 1, 2007 at 7:56 pm #17652
Lord Octavious, please bless the Bing for his hilarious contributions, and please cancel that request to take him out so that Bingette can finally seek out Jerry, and instead let Bing continue to have the variety of his left hand, his right hand and the occasional attention that his wife may throw him. Bless his internet connections, and his crappy PC, so that he can continue to serve us all in laughter.
Amen.February 1, 2007 at 8:46 pm #17664
Bing its okay to leave your wife so she can be with the Music Man. That idiot that you call an engineer hope his ass gets attacked by a handful of Johnny 5’s. And just continue to be Bing, whatever you do will make us laugh including some bodly harm.
…just kidding unless you survive and we will laugh about it anyway.February 1, 2007 at 9:30 pm #17673IvanParticipant
@ Bing: AMEN!February 2, 2007 at 12:18 am #17672FrankParticipant
Dear Lord, I need for you in your glorious wisdom to show me the way before I up and kill every asshole here at work.
Lord, it’s been two weeks now. Two weeks since the evil “Editors” decided to take away all of my free time. Two weeks since they decided to force me to stay late at night after all the work is done to post stories to the Web site.
Lord, let me describe to you the conversation I had with them:
Evil Editor: Frank, we need you to post the stories to the Web. We think this would be a good thing for you.
Frank: I don’t want to do it.
EE: Look at it this way, you will be learning a valuable tool you can use on your resume in the future.
F: Did it at two other newspapers. I don’t want to do it.
EE: So I guess that won’t work on you then, huh?
F: Nope, don’t want to do it.
EE: Listen, it’s vitally important that this gets done.
F: Are you going to pay me more?
EE: Well, no.
F: Don’t wanna do it.
EE: We’ll need you to come in on Thursday so you can sit down the computer guys so they can show you how to do it.
F: Do I need to say it in another language? I don’t want to do it? Don’t wanna. No wanna. Nuh uh. No likely. (Followed by little dance, arms waving back and forth with head moving side to side)
EE: Since you’ll be staying later to post, you’ll need to come in later so you don’t get overtime.
And this, dear Lord, is why I’m looking for another job. One that I can be happy and enjoy life a little more. One that actually pays me with real money, instead of these shiny little rocks. I can’t buy DVDs with shiny rocks, Lord.
In your name I pray ….
AIGHT.February 2, 2007 at 1:44 am #17655robParticipant
Please bless the poor dumb-ass people that didn’t hire me today. Obviously they don’t know what they’re missing.
Also, Lord, please bless the idiot drivers from this morning, who think rain is as slippery as ice, or that it may be acid falling from the sky instead of frickin’ WATER!
Please bless the poor saps who have to endure the inane comments from one who doesn’t work, one who manages by nagging, one who smells of cabbage and other assorted shrubbery. May they see the beauty of a world that is Scott-free, a utopia of free-thinkers.
Try to keep me sane as I attempt to find a job that fits me, instead of me fitting the job. Please allow me to fart, insult idiotic narrow-minded fools, and in short let me be creative doing the things I want to do.
And, finally, Lord, please look after the other switched:on hosts and our fans. Let your light shine upon them, warming their hearts and lightening their bowels. Let your light also shine on the bosoms of well-endowed hotties, and if they do not shine upon the bosoms themselves, let the light frame their figures in such a way as to be pleasing to us boobie-lovers, with a slight flare where the boobie meets the abdomen, and a slight twinkle on the erect nipples of happiness.
We’re going to hell for this thread.February 2, 2007 at 1:24 pm #17666
Speaking of people, idiots that can’t drive, please can someone build one road for people like Rob, Bryan, Jerry, Bing, frank, Buch, Newman, myself and anybody else that worthy of this great road.February 2, 2007 at 1:39 pm #17670
From the Book of…
Cleavage Chapter 6 verses 9-12
“And The Lord spaketh and behold a golden road appeared before them; a road such that only the blessed and righteous could upon it drive. The road was tended day and night by the bosoms of fertile women and they carried upon their backs great trays of fruit and honey. Whosoever driveth upon this road driveth in the name of the brotherhood sayeth the Lord and so it was done.”February 2, 2007 at 9:32 pm #17671FrankParticipantBing wrote:From the Book of…
Cleavage Chapter 6 verses 9-12
“And The Lord spaketh and behold a golden road appeared before them; a road such that only the blessed and righteous could upon it drive. The road was tended day and night by the bosoms of fertile women and they carried upon their backs great trays of fruit and honey. Whosoever driveth upon this road driveth in the name of the brotherhood sayeth the Lord and so it was done.”
I long for that day to come.February 4, 2007 at 3:06 am #17663
Pope Paw-Paw please get your lazy ass off the old wooden rocking chair, grab the shotgun and blow a hole into my father in-laws head. See Pope Paw-Paw, I am getting sick and tired of his rude comments and actions. Now I know that there is the mother in-law in question but since her back is hurting and I geniunely get along with her, I can handle her. Back to the person to I can’t stand. Paw-Paw he is not that fast so you can get a clean shot, so I don’t have to see him force feed my daughter, and was going to leave my car on for about hour to warm up, which any car needs about a good 10 to 15 minutes to warm up in the cold, just ask Newman. Now I know this is cruel but here in the Orange Lounge Cathedral there are no rules and that’s why I need you to do this for me. By the way Pope Paw-Paw since we are down this path please find a way for my company to hire another hot chick for the filing job, so I continue to look at boobs and ass.February 5, 2007 at 1:21 pm #17667
Hey Frank, I found a job for you if you are interested in doing some filing…February 5, 2007 at 1:21 pm #17668
Hey Frank, I found a job for you if you are interested in doing some filing…February 5, 2007 at 2:46 pm #17651
That was funny!February 5, 2007 at 2:46 pm #17649
That was funny!
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.