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The groaner joke thread…

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The groaner joke thread…

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  • #205

    I think we should tell jokes on this thread that are just stupid.

    Fat chicks are like satellites. All they do is take up space and bump into shit, and every now and then, they’ll kill an astronaut..


    Two guys find a genie bottle and a genie pops out and says

    “Thanks for rescuing me, you each get three wishes…but whatever one of you asks for the other will receive twicefold”

    guy 1 says he wants a million dollars and he gets it………. guy 2 gets 2 million
    guy 1 says he wants to give it all to charity……guy 2 loses all his savings and retirement.
    guy 1 says he wants his only son to live a long and healthy life……guy 2 loses his 3 daughters.

    guy 2 asks for a diet coke….guy 1 gets 2 sodas
    guy 2 asks for a smoke….guy 1 gets 2 cigs.
    guy 2 asks to be beaten half to death……


    I was walking through a cornfield the other day and got the eary feeling I was being stalked…


    someone REALLY gets the thread. Great bad joke THX!


    Thank you, thank you. I’ll be here all week.


    My favorite bad joke —

    A polar bear goes into a bar and says “Gimme aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa beer.”

    Bartender says, “Why the big paws?”


    Why did the mushroom throw a party? ‘Cause he’s a fungi.


    I always love this one. What’d the farmer say when he lost his tractor? ….Where’s my tractor?


    I like jokes like that Newman. They are best told when everyone has whipped out their funny jokes, then you tell that one like everyone is going to laugh, but then you deliver the punchline like they are stupid for not knowing something so obvious.


    What do you call 4 bullfighters in quicksand?

    Quatro sinko.


    I found this one… it’s a series.

    There was a guy who had a job working in an orange juice factory… he got canned because he couldn’t concentrate.
    Then he worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but he just couldn’t hack it, so they gave him the ax.
    After that, he tried to be a tailor, but he just wasn’t suited for it. Mainly because it was a so-so job and seamed more exciting than it was
    Next he tried working in a muffler factory but that was exhausting.
    He really wanted to be a barber, but he just couldn’t cut it so he parted.
    Then he tried to be a chef. He figured it would add a little spice to his life but he just wasn’t at home on the range.
    At one point, he attempted to be a deli worker, but any way he sliced it, he just couldn’t cut the mustard.
    He also had a job as a musician, but eventually he found he wasn’t noteworthy.
    Mining was interesting, but then they gave him the shaft.
    Next was a job in a shoe factory; he tried but he just didn’t fit in.
    The guy became a professional fisherman, but his net income was reel low.
    He thought about becoming a witch, so he tried it for a spell.
    He managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.
    He got a job at a zoo feeding giraffes but he was fired because he wasn’t up to it.
    So then he got a job in a health club, but they said he wasn’t fit for the job.
    Next, he found being an electrician interesting, but there were too many undercurrents.
    After many years of trying to find steady work he finally got a job as a history teacher until he realized there was no future in it.
    His last job was working at Starbucks, but he had to quit because it was always the same old grind and the job had no perks.


    Where can you find a guy with no arms and no legs?

    Right where you left him.


    That’s my favorite joke right there Bryan.

    Also, what do you call a guy with no arms and no legs floating in the ocean?


    - Women sense my power and they seek the life essence.


    What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on the wall?


    What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on your doorstep?


    What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the bathroom?


    What do you call a convict with no arms and no legs?

    Anything you want to.


    How did this die so fast?

    Okay, Jessica ran across something that made me laugh really stinking hard, and I just figured I’d throw it in here. So there was this thread on a board she’s on, and it was a “kids say the funniest things” type thread. She read this post to me…

    “My kids are older now but I recall one moment where my middle child saw a person of color for the first time, we were in Toys R US and we kept passing a little girl with a dozen braids and interesting barrets in her hair…my daughter was about 3 at the time and her stare got more intense with each pass in the isle. Finally she erupted with- ” WHen did they have people made of chocolate mommy?” and as I recovered from that choke of laughter she added….”And she even has spwinkles!” I still laugh to this day.”


    A woman is pumping gas at a gas station and gets some on her sleeve. Not thinking anything of it, she gets in her car and drives off. Shortly afterward, she lights a cigarette and the ashes catch her sleeve on fire. Not knowing what to do, she rolls down her window and starts waving her arm outside of the car. A cop just happened to be passing by, turned around and pulled her over. In the end, he ended up giving her a ticket. Why?

    Illegal use of a firearm.

    Oh, I’ve got a million of them …

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