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Rob’s Spoiler-free Review: Grindhouse!

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Rob’s Spoiler-free Review: Grindhouse!

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 34 total)
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  • #1369
    rob
    Participant

    NOTE: I have taken pains in this review to be totally spoiler-free. I don’t want to ruin your experience.

    I am of the opinion that a lot of movies are more enjoyable in the company of friends. I also think that a packed movie theater is one of the best experiences one can have. I know when I saw The Matrix opening night, with a stupid shit-eating grin on my face almost the whole movie, with people reacting the right way — it was awesome. Our opening night viewing of Episode III has got to be the best movie experience in my life — there’s something about people with like minded interests seeing a movie for the first time — it’s almost communal. And that night, seeing the last new Star Wars movie with DFW’s biggest Star Wars fans, I don’t think it could get any better than that.

    But seeing Grindhouse with Jerry and Bryan comes a very close second.

    You see, after about five minutes, we were all rolling. Laughter laughter laughter galore. It simply is the most I’ve ever laughed in a movie, period.

    So there’s four fake trailers. The first, Machete, plays before Planet Terror, directed by Robert Rodriguez. Then there’s three trailers I won’t discuss, and then Death Proof, directed by Quentin Tarentino. Machete plays like a primer for the rest of the experience — if you don’t laugh your ass off during that trailer, then you should probably just get up and leave, because you just won’t get the rest of it.

    I laughed almost constantly from Machete all the way until Death Proof started. I’ve heard other reviewers say that it should have been the other way around — Death Proof first, and then Planet Terror, since Planet Terror’s so fuckin’ funny. But I’m really glad that it was that way, because I didn’t have a good idea of what to expect from this, and Machete really got me in the mood for what was to come.

    Planet Terror is an exercise in ridiculousness, if that’s even a word. I can’t even explain what happens in the movie, because for me, I really enjoyed not knowing what was coming around the corner. It’s just so gross, so violent — so much that it just becomes so ridiculously funny. I remember at one point I was holding my face in my hands, almost like I was trying to hold my cheeks so they wouldn’t fall off, laughing uncontrollably, laughing so hard that my neck had started to hurt. Many have said that Planet Terror delivers on what From Dusk Till Dawn could not. It really wanted to turn into a horror-comedy, but it just didn’t pull it off. This, on the other hand, was, in my eyes, twice as entertaining as Sin City, and yes, I know, that’s saying a lot.

    So yeah, then the three trailers, and then Death Proof. I half expected for the ridiculousness to continue, but it didn’t. The beginning of the movie had a calming effect on me. It simmered me down, and although I’m not big on the so-called “girl-power” movies, I was entertained. And then, when the movie kicks in, it really kicks in. QT shows a patience I didn’t expect. He knows exactly what he’s doing, and I found myself marvelling at the ability shown on screen. An unbelievable feeling of tension is what builds — other horror movie directors should take notes during this movie. It’s very rare that a movie just makes you feel like danger around the corner, but QT pulls it off, with apparent ease. If more horror movies were like this, I wouldn’t mind watching them.

    I don’t want to talk about actors, because there are so many, and I think the movie will work better if you don’t know what cameo’s coming around the corner.

    And I know for a fact that this isn’t for everybody — it’s 3 plus hours sitting in a movie theater, and I know a lot of people wouldn’t be up for that. But if you are, grab some friends and go. It’s just a great time.

    Unfortunately, as I’ve reported elsewhere, Grindhouse was number four this week, behind Blades of Glory, Meet the Robinsons, and Are We Done Yet?, with only $11 million at the box office. Of course, now, there’s talk that Harvey Weinstein is disappointed with the turnout and wants to extend each of the movies and release them separately. I don’t know if that’s true, because from what I’ve gathered, he never seemed to be that much of a money-whore — look at how he treats Kevin Smith. The guy never gets big box office, but continues to be one of Harvey’s golden boys because he kills on DVD, and you know this one will definitely kill on DVD.

    Anyway, I believe that the experience should remain intact. I urge you to try and see this before something like this happens. It really is one of the best times I’ve ever had in a movie theater. So, seek it out, trust me. Oh, and as much as I like QT, you could definitely go to the bathroom after Death Proof starts — the dialogue’s great and all, but if you need to go, that’s definitely the time.

    #16094
    rob
    Participant

    NOTE: I have taken pains in this review to be totally spoiler-free. I don’t want to ruin your experience.

    I am of the opinion that a lot of movies are more enjoyable in the company of friends. I also think that a packed movie theater is one of the best experiences one can have. I know when I saw The Matrix opening night, with a stupid shit-eating grin on my face almost the whole movie, with people reacting the right way — it was awesome. Our opening night viewing of Episode III has got to be the best movie experience in my life — there’s something about people with like minded interests seeing a movie for the first time — it’s almost communal. And that night, seeing the last new Star Wars movie with DFW’s biggest Star Wars fans, I don’t think it could get any better than that.

    But seeing Grindhouse with Jerry and Bryan comes a very close second.

    You see, after about five minutes, we were all rolling. Laughter laughter laughter galore. It simply is the most I’ve ever laughed in a movie, period.

    So there’s four fake trailers. The first, Machete, plays before Planet Terror, directed by Robert Rodriguez. Then there’s three trailers I won’t discuss, and then Death Proof, directed by Quentin Tarentino. Machete plays like a primer for the rest of the experience — if you don’t laugh your ass off during that trailer, then you should probably just get up and leave, because you just won’t get the rest of it.

    I laughed almost constantly from Machete all the way until Death Proof started. I’ve heard other reviewers say that it should have been the other way around — Death Proof first, and then Planet Terror, since Planet Terror’s so fuckin’ funny. But I’m really glad that it was that way, because I didn’t have a good idea of what to expect from this, and Machete really got me in the mood for what was to come.

    Planet Terror is an exercise in ridiculousness, if that’s even a word. I can’t even explain what happens in the movie, because for me, I really enjoyed not knowing what was coming around the corner. It’s just so gross, so violent — so much that it just becomes so ridiculously funny. I remember at one point I was holding my face in my hands, almost like I was trying to hold my cheeks so they wouldn’t fall off, laughing uncontrollably, laughing so hard that my neck had started to hurt. Many have said that Planet Terror delivers on what From Dusk Till Dawn could not. It really wanted to turn into a horror-comedy, but it just didn’t pull it off. This, on the other hand, was, in my eyes, twice as entertaining as Sin City, and yes, I know, that’s saying a lot.

    So yeah, then the three trailers, and then Death Proof. I half expected for the ridiculousness to continue, but it didn’t. The beginning of the movie had a calming effect on me. It simmered me down, and although I’m not big on the so-called “girl-power” movies, I was entertained. And then, when the movie kicks in, it really kicks in. QT shows a patience I didn’t expect. He knows exactly what he’s doing, and I found myself marvelling at the ability shown on screen. An unbelievable feeling of tension is what builds — other horror movie directors should take notes during this movie. It’s very rare that a movie just makes you feel like danger around the corner, but QT pulls it off, with apparent ease. If more horror movies were like this, I wouldn’t mind watching them.

    I don’t want to talk about actors, because there are so many, and I think the movie will work better if you don’t know what cameo’s coming around the corner.

    And I know for a fact that this isn’t for everybody — it’s 3 plus hours sitting in a movie theater, and I know a lot of people wouldn’t be up for that. But if you are, grab some friends and go. It’s just a great time.

    Unfortunately, as I’ve reported elsewhere, Grindhouse was number four this week, behind Blades of Glory, Meet the Robinsons, and Are We Done Yet?, with only $11 million at the box office. Of course, now, there’s talk that Harvey Weinstein is disappointed with the turnout and wants to extend each of the movies and release them separately. I don’t know if that’s true, because from what I’ve gathered, he never seemed to be that much of a money-whore — look at how he treats Kevin Smith. The guy never gets big box office, but continues to be one of Harvey’s golden boys because he kills on DVD, and you know this one will definitely kill on DVD.

    Anyway, I believe that the experience should remain intact. I urge you to try and see this before something like this happens. It really is one of the best times I’ve ever had in a movie theater. So, seek it out, trust me. Oh, and as much as I like QT, you could definitely go to the bathroom after Death Proof starts — the dialogue’s great and all, but if you need to go, that’s definitely the time.

    #16102
    Bing
    Participant

    I’m gonna pull a Bryan here.

    But is anyone else just simply not interested in this movie(s) at all? Don’t get me wrong-o I’m glad for the people that enjoy it but I’m just so tired of hearing about it, I just want it to go away.

    It’s Kill Bill all over again.

    this Bryan-ism brought to you by Bing

    #16108
    Bing
    Participant

    I’m gonna pull a Bryan here.

    But is anyone else just simply not interested in this movie(s) at all? Don’t get me wrong-o I’m glad for the people that enjoy it but I’m just so tired of hearing about it, I just want it to go away.

    It’s Kill Bill all over again.

    this Bryan-ism brought to you by Bing

    #16082
    Version3
    Keymaster

    You gotta work on your Bryan-isms.

    Go see the movie. If you listen to our show, and you think we are usually pretty funny… just go see this and expect to laugh at how over the top it is. I’m not going to say that much except Rob’s got it dead on, it’s an experience. Grab a friend (not by the nuts) and go see this shit. It’s totally worth it.

    #16085
    Version3
    Keymaster

    You gotta work on your Bryan-isms.

    Go see the movie. If you listen to our show, and you think we are usually pretty funny… just go see this and expect to laugh at how over the top it is. I’m not going to say that much except Rob’s got it dead on, it’s an experience. Grab a friend (not by the nuts) and go see this shit. It’s totally worth it.

    #16101
    Bing
    Participant
    Version3 wrote:
    You gotta work on your Bryan-isms.

    Damn, thought I was ready to be a Jedi and shit.

    #16107
    Bing
    Participant
    Version3 wrote:
    You gotta work on your Bryan-isms.

    Damn, thought I was ready to be a Jedi and shit.

    #16091
    rob
    Participant

    Thanks, Bryan.

    I think it’s just funny that I was going to just quickly recap the experience, and this is what happened. I guess that’s what happens when your all-time 2nd best movie experience loses out to an Ice Cube movie.

    #16093
    rob
    Participant

    Thanks, Bryan.

    I think it’s just funny that I was going to just quickly recap the experience, and this is what happened. I guess that’s what happens when your all-time 2nd best movie experience loses out to an Ice Cube movie.

    #16100
    Bing
    Participant

    AAYY!!!
    I’m not trying to take away your enjoyment of anything here you buncha New Zealand-loving nappy headed ho’s (too easy I know).
    I haven’t seen the movie but I will wait until I do before I give further opinions on it.

    But for now I give you…….
    Bing’s opinions on random shit….’cause he’s Bing

    Led Zepplin sucks
    The Beatles suck even more
    Kevin Costner movies aren’t worth the watery poo from an evening of drinking
    Angelina Jolie and Madonna can adopt the whole fuckin’ 3rd world and I will still hate them.
    Oprah is a big fat know it all bitch
    I don’t care what anniversary of what court decision it is.
    I’d still fuck Carrie Fisher today if I thought I could get away with it (I’d just close my eyes and think white dress boobie bounce and metal bikini)

    I’ve never had gay feelings for Alfred Hitchcock or Ernest Borgnine (Ted Koppel maybe…)
    Brendan Frasier would’ve made a better Anakin Skywalker than Hayden Christensen
    Anyone who listens to Phish is a stoner
    Not everyone who listens to Pink Floyd is a stoner

    Roast Beef is good with or without gravy, but never with carrots
    NY Italians are cooler than any other ethnic group in the universe.
    Hip Hop music sucks
    Van Halen has sucked since Gary Cherone
    Freddie Mercury was a genius
    Elvis was over-rated
    The next big weight loss fad will still involve people who want to eat in order to loose weight
    Monica Lewinsky could probably find a date in 2 seconds flat. (c’mon she’s famous for sucking dick)

    The Lord of The Ring movies were too long and not that cool.
    Eddie Izzard is the funniest man alive
    Ann Coulter needs to eat, get a haircut, and shut the fuck up.
    Al Gore needs to diet and divorce his satanic, heavy metal loving whore wife.

    I will never, ever, EVER! give a flying fuck what Donald Trump or Rosie O’Donald says about anything.
    Scientology is stupid and retarded (L Ron Hubbard was addicted to Vistaril..and yet hates psychiatry..hmm)
    Rusty is actually quite funny and enjoyable to me

    Sooner or later Christmas season will start in July.
    People get exponentially more stupid as the size of the crowd increases
    Roswell was a cover-up
    The worst thing about Anna Nicole’s death is that now I will never hear the fucking end of it.

    NBLIANGW
    The above post was meant to anger, provoke, and satirize. Most of what you just read is true, except for the Ted Koppel part.

    Rob for Prez! Even though he ain’t gay!!

    #16106
    Bing
    Participant

    AAYY!!!
    I’m not trying to take away your enjoyment of anything here you buncha New Zealand-loving nappy headed ho’s (too easy I know).
    I haven’t seen the movie but I will wait until I do before I give further opinions on it.

    But for now I give you…….
    Bing’s opinions on random shit….’cause he’s Bing

    Led Zepplin sucks
    The Beatles suck even more
    Kevin Costner movies aren’t worth the watery poo from an evening of drinking
    Angelina Jolie and Madonna can adopt the whole fuckin’ 3rd world and I will still hate them.
    Oprah is a big fat know it all bitch
    I don’t care what anniversary of what court decision it is.
    I’d still fuck Carrie Fisher today if I thought I could get away with it (I’d just close my eyes and think white dress boobie bounce and metal bikini)

    I’ve never had gay feelings for Alfred Hitchcock or Ernest Borgnine (Ted Koppel maybe…)
    Brendan Frasier would’ve made a better Anakin Skywalker than Hayden Christensen
    Anyone who listens to Phish is a stoner
    Not everyone who listens to Pink Floyd is a stoner

    Roast Beef is good with or without gravy, but never with carrots
    NY Italians are cooler than any other ethnic group in the universe.
    Hip Hop music sucks
    Van Halen has sucked since Gary Cherone
    Freddie Mercury was a genius
    Elvis was over-rated
    The next big weight loss fad will still involve people who want to eat in order to loose weight
    Monica Lewinsky could probably find a date in 2 seconds flat. (c’mon she’s famous for sucking dick)

    The Lord of The Ring movies were too long and not that cool.
    Eddie Izzard is the funniest man alive
    Ann Coulter needs to eat, get a haircut, and shut the fuck up.
    Al Gore needs to diet and divorce his satanic, heavy metal loving whore wife.

    I will never, ever, EVER! give a flying fuck what Donald Trump or Rosie O’Donald says about anything.
    Scientology is stupid and retarded (L Ron Hubbard was addicted to Vistaril..and yet hates psychiatry..hmm)
    Rusty is actually quite funny and enjoyable to me

    Sooner or later Christmas season will start in July.
    People get exponentially more stupid as the size of the crowd increases
    Roswell was a cover-up
    The worst thing about Anna Nicole’s death is that now I will never hear the fucking end of it.

    NBLIANGW
    The above post was meant to anger, provoke, and satirize. Most of what you just read is true, except for the Ted Koppel part.

    Rob for Prez! Even though he ain’t gay!!

    #16090
    rob
    Participant

    Simply amazing. That must have taken you a while! And there’s a lot of truth in there…

    #16092
    rob
    Participant

    Simply amazing. That must have taken you a while! And there’s a lot of truth in there…

    #16099
    Bing
    Participant

    It went through several revisions…

    The Madonna and Angelina thing was added last

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