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Rob’s Review(s) — The Ultimate Bond Collection

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Rob’s Review(s) — The Ultimate Bond Collection

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  • #1359
    rob
    Participant

    So yeah, I didn’t think I would actually do this, but I figured I would because I’m bored. I also don’t think that many will actually take the time to read this, but hey, whatever. For many, the Bond films are a “take it or leave it” kind of franchise, but for me, well, I love it. Even the silly ones are fun for me.

    What I plan on doing here is notating each of the films with what really sets it apart from the others, and my rating. I decided to rate them on a scale of 10, because I found that many of my previous ratings were a little too close, especially with twenty films. So without any further crap, here we go…

    1962 — Dr. No — 8/10

    This one’s pretty good for being so old. It was especially good seeing the new transfer, because it looks really really nice. The one that sets this one apart is the fact that it’s the first one, and Ursula Andress looks really good coming out of the water. It’s entertaining to see that Dr. No looks a lot like Dr. Evil with his plastic bee-keeper outfit.

    1963 — From Russia With Love — 9/10

    What sets this apart from the others is the character that inspired Frau from Austin Powers. This one is considered one of the best of the Connery movies, and I highly agree. Also, you can’t go wrong with Robert Shaw (Quint from Jaws) as the main henchman in the movie.

    1964 — Goldfinger — 9.5/10

    If there’s one flick that really made people go nuts, it was this one. It features the Aston Martin DB5 with the ejector seat and all that shite, Pussy Galore, and Goldfinger himself, who is arguably the best villain in the series. Also, Odd Job is in this one. Just the classic Bond here. Goldfinger tries to snatch up as much gold as he can, and then blow up Fort Knox so that his gold shoots up in value.

    1965 — Thunderball — 5.5/10

    I find myself disagreeing a lot with people on this one, but this one takes place largely in the water, and I find it very boring. This is the movie that for whatever reason they decided to remake as “Never Say Never Again” in 1983.

    1967 — You Only Live Twice — 6/10

    This is the Japanese one. Connery dresses up like a Japanese dude and tries to infiltrate blah, blah, blah. It’s pretty stupid, too. This one finally shows Blofeld, played by Donald Pleasance, and he has the secret volcano lair. The sets are really impressive, but the fact that Soviet and American capsules are being swallowed up by a bigger rocket, well, it’s just dumb.

    1969 — On Her Majesty’s Secret Service — 7.5/10

    Connery left the franchise, and producers brought Australian George Lazenby in to play Bond. This one is much less formulaic like its predecessors, and I like it quite a bit.

    Spoiler warning!!

    That’s probably not necessary for a 38 year old movie, but whatever. Blofeld returns, now played by Telly Savalas. At the end of the flick, Bond marries Diana Rigg (from the Avengers TV show) and on their honeymoon she is killed in a drive-by by Blofeld. What a way to end a Bond flick! Because it’s so different from almost all of the Bond flicks, I like it a lot, but it’s a little slow in the middle. This was the first semi-serious try at Bond.

    1971 — Diamonds are Forever — 5.5/10

    Another somewhat ridiculous movie. Connery was paid $2 million to star in this movie, and that was an unheard of salary for back then. Highlights are the henchman, Mr. Witt and Mr. Kidd, as possibly the first gay hitmen. Jimmy frickin’ Dean is in this movie as a Howard Hughes type.

    1973 — Live and Let Die — 6.5/10

    Roger Moore’s first outing as Bond. Yaphet Kotto plays the bad guy in this one, and a very young and incredibly hot Jane Seymour is the Bond girl. The highlight of this one is Bond jumping across an alligator pit on their backs (a real stunt!!) and a pretty cool boat chase.

    1974 — The Man With the Golden Gun — 5/10

    Christopher Lee as a villain in a Bond flick! This has to be good, right? Wrong. There are things to like, but for the most part, this one’s just plain dumb. The Bond girl in this one is so stupid you just want to slap her. The final showdown takes place in a funhouse run by Tattoo from Fantasy Island. Entertaining maybe, but dumb.

    1977 — The Spy Who Loved Me — 8/10

    I liked this one quite a bit. First appearance of Jaws. It’s kind of funny — You Only Live Twice is a rocket swallowing up other rockets, trying to pit the Russians against the Americans. This one has a big fuck-off boat swallowing up submarines to — you guessed it — pit the Russians against the Americans. I liked it, though, because I liked to see Bond play off a Russian spy chick.

    1979 — Moonraker — 6/10

    To many, the worst in the series. This has the best Bond girl name — Holly Goodhead. Heheh. Anyway, Jaws is back, they’re in space, a frickin’ shootout in space happens, stuff blows up. Stupid, yes, but strangely entertaining. There’s a rumor that this movie wasn’t successful — it made a ton of money!

    1981 — For Your Eyes Only — 8.5/10

    Bond’s back on Earth, and it’s the best Roger Moore flick. A very hot Sheena Easton sings the title track, and the story’s very simple — search for an encryption device and keep it from being sold to the Russians. Really genius in its simplicity. The final setpiece is set on a mountain, and it’s just great.

    1983 — Octopussy — 7.5/10

    Maud Adams plays Octopussy (incidentally, the only Bond girl to be in two movies, this and Golden Gun), with a super-hot band of chicks at her side. This is the one with Bond dressed up as a clown at the end. I like it, because I liked all of the train stuff. And leeches!

    1985 — A View to a Kill — 8/10

    A lot of people hate this one. Don’t know why — Christopher Walken kicks ass! And I hate to say it, but I really like Grace Jones in her role as May Day. She’s really not sexy at all, but she comes off pretty dangerous. One could argue that this is a retelling of Goldfinger, with silicon chips instead of gold, but I loved the story of Walken as a Nazi-genetically-enhanced sociopath. And, you can’t go wrong with Duran Duran in the theme song.

    1987 — The Living Daylights — 8.5/10

    If you think last year’s Casino Royale was the first time that Bond was serious, think again. This movie is really really good! For the first time ever, there’s a scene showing Bond getting frustrated. This grounds him, and Timothy Dalton made a pretty damn good Bond. I really enjoyed the A-Ha theme song, the Aston Martin in this movie kicks ass, and none other than Joe Don Baker plays the bad guy! Sallah’s here, too (or Gimli for you youngens, John Rhys-Davies).

    1989 — Licence to Kill — 7/10

    The only Bond film to not make its money back in the States, Licence to Kill is the most violent Bond movie. Robert Davi plays the bad guy, and look out for Benicio del Toro in his star-making role. Carey Lowell (from Law & Order) is as hot as she’s ever been, but the movie just doesn’t quite work. Maybe it’s because Timothy Dalton looks kinda old for the role here. I don’t really get it.

    1995 — Goldeneye — 8.5/10

    Okay, I’m going off on this one. I love it! Famke Janssen (Jean Grey in X-Men), Sean Bean (friggin’ Boromir!) and Alan Cumming (Nightcrawler in X-Men 2) are all here in star making roles, and Izabella Scorupco is one of my favorite Bond girls, not to mention Robbie Coltrane (plays Hagrid in the Harry Potter movies, and incidentally shares a birthday with yours truly) as a Russian crime lord. Pierce Brosnan unfortunately could not keep up after this movie, and it’s possible it was the director. One of the things I love about this Bond is the way he moves — he moves with a purpose, always quick, dodgy — the way you think a spy should move. I know that might sound weird, but look at Casino Royale and this movie, both directed by Martin Campbell — they both move the same way. Just an incredible drive, and it really makes for some very cool shots, like they always know where they’re headed. I’d always watched the Bond movies, thinking they were pretty cool, but this is the one that cemented my love for the series.

    1997 — Tomorrow Never Dies — 6/10

    This is the one about the scary media mogul (Jonathan Pryce) attempting to create problematic world events so he can report on them. Stupid idea, but there is a very cool action sequence, when Bond remote controls his BMW 750 from his cell phone. And Michelle Yeoh and Teri Hatcher as the Bond girls? Yeah, no. I’ve never been up for the Asian flavored women, and Teri Hatcher reminds me of the popular chicks in school that everyone wanted to fuck simply because they were popular, and I hated them. After seeing this, I thought, “Well, there’s nowhere to go but up.” Then…

    1999 — The World is Not Enough — 4.5/10

    This one gets three points off for casting Denise Richards as a fucking rocket scientist. And her name — Christmas Jones — is only there for one stupid-ass pun joke, if you can call it that. “I thought Christmas only comes once a year.” You know what? That’s ballsy. Name someone something for one joke. Yechh. Anyway, Robert Carlyle is the bad guy, and he’s actually pretty good, but doesn’t really get to do enough. And Sophie Marceau (you might remember her as the Queen in Braveheart) is suitably yummy.

    2002 — Die Another Day — 6.5/10

    A point off for casting Halle Berry, and then another two points because she was cast as a spy. I’ve ranted on her long enough in other threads, so I won’t bother with any more. The sucky thing is — other than the dumbass wannabe-white black chick, the movie’s not really so bad. Rosamund Pike is just frickin’ hot, and although there are a lot of cheesy moments (Madonna, anyone?), it’s pretty damn entertaining. I love the car chase scene, even though it’s cheesy. I love the look on Bond’s face when he’s upside down and uses the ejector seat to right himself. Just cool.

    Since I’ve already commented on the amazing kickassness that is Casino Royale, I won’t comment further on it. The weird thing about Bond is that even with the worst movies, there are still moments of greatness. I find myself smiling like a big dork through even the cheesiest of scenes.

    After watching all of the movies and special features, I got really disappointed when I got to the Goldeneye special features, because at that point, there were no new interviews. What I love about the preceding discs is the producers are there to point out things that went wrong, injuries doing stunts, and all that shite.

    So, I know that this wasn’t warranted, needed, or necessary in any way. If you read this far, I commend you — you must not have anything to do today. But anyway, if you like the Bond movies, go buy ’em, blah, blah, blah. I enjoyed the hell out of ’em.

    #15856
    rob
    Participant

    So yeah, I didn’t think I would actually do this, but I figured I would because I’m bored. I also don’t think that many will actually take the time to read this, but hey, whatever. For many, the Bond films are a “take it or leave it” kind of franchise, but for me, well, I love it. Even the silly ones are fun for me.

    What I plan on doing here is notating each of the films with what really sets it apart from the others, and my rating. I decided to rate them on a scale of 10, because I found that many of my previous ratings were a little too close, especially with twenty films. So without any further crap, here we go…

    1962 — Dr. No — 8/10

    This one’s pretty good for being so old. It was especially good seeing the new transfer, because it looks really really nice. The one that sets this one apart is the fact that it’s the first one, and Ursula Andress looks really good coming out of the water. It’s entertaining to see that Dr. No looks a lot like Dr. Evil with his plastic bee-keeper outfit.

    1963 — From Russia With Love — 9/10

    What sets this apart from the others is the character that inspired Frau from Austin Powers. This one is considered one of the best of the Connery movies, and I highly agree. Also, you can’t go wrong with Robert Shaw (Quint from Jaws) as the main henchman in the movie.

    1964 — Goldfinger — 9.5/10

    If there’s one flick that really made people go nuts, it was this one. It features the Aston Martin DB5 with the ejector seat and all that shite, Pussy Galore, and Goldfinger himself, who is arguably the best villain in the series. Also, Odd Job is in this one. Just the classic Bond here. Goldfinger tries to snatch up as much gold as he can, and then blow up Fort Knox so that his gold shoots up in value.

    1965 — Thunderball — 5.5/10

    I find myself disagreeing a lot with people on this one, but this one takes place largely in the water, and I find it very boring. This is the movie that for whatever reason they decided to remake as “Never Say Never Again” in 1983.

    1967 — You Only Live Twice — 6/10

    This is the Japanese one. Connery dresses up like a Japanese dude and tries to infiltrate blah, blah, blah. It’s pretty stupid, too. This one finally shows Blofeld, played by Donald Pleasance, and he has the secret volcano lair. The sets are really impressive, but the fact that Soviet and American capsules are being swallowed up by a bigger rocket, well, it’s just dumb.

    1969 — On Her Majesty’s Secret Service — 7.5/10

    Connery left the franchise, and producers brought Australian George Lazenby in to play Bond. This one is much less formulaic like its predecessors, and I like it quite a bit.

    Spoiler warning!!

    That’s probably not necessary for a 38 year old movie, but whatever. Blofeld returns, now played by Telly Savalas. At the end of the flick, Bond marries Diana Rigg (from the Avengers TV show) and on their honeymoon she is killed in a drive-by by Blofeld. What a way to end a Bond flick! Because it’s so different from almost all of the Bond flicks, I like it a lot, but it’s a little slow in the middle. This was the first semi-serious try at Bond.

    1971 — Diamonds are Forever — 5.5/10

    Another somewhat ridiculous movie. Connery was paid $2 million to star in this movie, and that was an unheard of salary for back then. Highlights are the henchman, Mr. Witt and Mr. Kidd, as possibly the first gay hitmen. Jimmy frickin’ Dean is in this movie as a Howard Hughes type.

    1973 — Live and Let Die — 6.5/10

    Roger Moore’s first outing as Bond. Yaphet Kotto plays the bad guy in this one, and a very young and incredibly hot Jane Seymour is the Bond girl. The highlight of this one is Bond jumping across an alligator pit on their backs (a real stunt!!) and a pretty cool boat chase.

    1974 — The Man With the Golden Gun — 5/10

    Christopher Lee as a villain in a Bond flick! This has to be good, right? Wrong. There are things to like, but for the most part, this one’s just plain dumb. The Bond girl in this one is so stupid you just want to slap her. The final showdown takes place in a funhouse run by Tattoo from Fantasy Island. Entertaining maybe, but dumb.

    1977 — The Spy Who Loved Me — 8/10

    I liked this one quite a bit. First appearance of Jaws. It’s kind of funny — You Only Live Twice is a rocket swallowing up other rockets, trying to pit the Russians against the Americans. This one has a big fuck-off boat swallowing up submarines to — you guessed it — pit the Russians against the Americans. I liked it, though, because I liked to see Bond play off a Russian spy chick.

    1979 — Moonraker — 6/10

    To many, the worst in the series. This has the best Bond girl name — Holly Goodhead. Heheh. Anyway, Jaws is back, they’re in space, a frickin’ shootout in space happens, stuff blows up. Stupid, yes, but strangely entertaining. There’s a rumor that this movie wasn’t successful — it made a ton of money!

    1981 — For Your Eyes Only — 8.5/10

    Bond’s back on Earth, and it’s the best Roger Moore flick. A very hot Sheena Easton sings the title track, and the story’s very simple — search for an encryption device and keep it from being sold to the Russians. Really genius in its simplicity. The final setpiece is set on a mountain, and it’s just great.

    1983 — Octopussy — 7.5/10

    Maud Adams plays Octopussy (incidentally, the only Bond girl to be in two movies, this and Golden Gun), with a super-hot band of chicks at her side. This is the one with Bond dressed up as a clown at the end. I like it, because I liked all of the train stuff. And leeches!

    1985 — A View to a Kill — 8/10

    A lot of people hate this one. Don’t know why — Christopher Walken kicks ass! And I hate to say it, but I really like Grace Jones in her role as May Day. She’s really not sexy at all, but she comes off pretty dangerous. One could argue that this is a retelling of Goldfinger, with silicon chips instead of gold, but I loved the story of Walken as a Nazi-genetically-enhanced sociopath. And, you can’t go wrong with Duran Duran in the theme song.

    1987 — The Living Daylights — 8.5/10

    If you think last year’s Casino Royale was the first time that Bond was serious, think again. This movie is really really good! For the first time ever, there’s a scene showing Bond getting frustrated. This grounds him, and Timothy Dalton made a pretty damn good Bond. I really enjoyed the A-Ha theme song, the Aston Martin in this movie kicks ass, and none other than Joe Don Baker plays the bad guy! Sallah’s here, too (or Gimli for you youngens, John Rhys-Davies).

    1989 — Licence to Kill — 7/10

    The only Bond film to not make its money back in the States, Licence to Kill is the most violent Bond movie. Robert Davi plays the bad guy, and look out for Benicio del Toro in his star-making role. Carey Lowell (from Law & Order) is as hot as she’s ever been, but the movie just doesn’t quite work. Maybe it’s because Timothy Dalton looks kinda old for the role here. I don’t really get it.

    1995 — Goldeneye — 8.5/10

    Okay, I’m going off on this one. I love it! Famke Janssen (Jean Grey in X-Men), Sean Bean (friggin’ Boromir!) and Alan Cumming (Nightcrawler in X-Men 2) are all here in star making roles, and Izabella Scorupco is one of my favorite Bond girls, not to mention Robbie Coltrane (plays Hagrid in the Harry Potter movies, and incidentally shares a birthday with yours truly) as a Russian crime lord. Pierce Brosnan unfortunately could not keep up after this movie, and it’s possible it was the director. One of the things I love about this Bond is the way he moves — he moves with a purpose, always quick, dodgy — the way you think a spy should move. I know that might sound weird, but look at Casino Royale and this movie, both directed by Martin Campbell — they both move the same way. Just an incredible drive, and it really makes for some very cool shots, like they always know where they’re headed. I’d always watched the Bond movies, thinking they were pretty cool, but this is the one that cemented my love for the series.

    1997 — Tomorrow Never Dies — 6/10

    This is the one about the scary media mogul (Jonathan Pryce) attempting to create problematic world events so he can report on them. Stupid idea, but there is a very cool action sequence, when Bond remote controls his BMW 750 from his cell phone. And Michelle Yeoh and Teri Hatcher as the Bond girls? Yeah, no. I’ve never been up for the Asian flavored women, and Teri Hatcher reminds me of the popular chicks in school that everyone wanted to fuck simply because they were popular, and I hated them. After seeing this, I thought, “Well, there’s nowhere to go but up.” Then…

    1999 — The World is Not Enough — 4.5/10

    This one gets three points off for casting Denise Richards as a fucking rocket scientist. And her name — Christmas Jones — is only there for one stupid-ass pun joke, if you can call it that. “I thought Christmas only comes once a year.” You know what? That’s ballsy. Name someone something for one joke. Yechh. Anyway, Robert Carlyle is the bad guy, and he’s actually pretty good, but doesn’t really get to do enough. And Sophie Marceau (you might remember her as the Queen in Braveheart) is suitably yummy.

    2002 — Die Another Day — 6.5/10

    A point off for casting Halle Berry, and then another two points because she was cast as a spy. I’ve ranted on her long enough in other threads, so I won’t bother with any more. The sucky thing is — other than the dumbass wannabe-white black chick, the movie’s not really so bad. Rosamund Pike is just frickin’ hot, and although there are a lot of cheesy moments (Madonna, anyone?), it’s pretty damn entertaining. I love the car chase scene, even though it’s cheesy. I love the look on Bond’s face when he’s upside down and uses the ejector seat to right himself. Just cool.

    Since I’ve already commented on the amazing kickassness that is Casino Royale, I won’t comment further on it. The weird thing about Bond is that even with the worst movies, there are still moments of greatness. I find myself smiling like a big dork through even the cheesiest of scenes.

    After watching all of the movies and special features, I got really disappointed when I got to the Goldeneye special features, because at that point, there were no new interviews. What I love about the preceding discs is the producers are there to point out things that went wrong, injuries doing stunts, and all that shite.

    So, I know that this wasn’t warranted, needed, or necessary in any way. If you read this far, I commend you — you must not have anything to do today. But anyway, if you like the Bond movies, go buy ’em, blah, blah, blah. I enjoyed the hell out of ’em.

    #15857
    BSherrod
    Participant

    Great review, Rob!

    #15858
    BSherrod
    Participant

    Great review, Rob!

    #15859
    Octavious
    Participant

    Ditto.

    Nice to show up Sherrod.

    #15860
    Octavious
    Participant

    Ditto.

    Nice to show up Sherrod.

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