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Lemme tell you about MY night … one you won’t believe

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Lemme tell you about MY night … one you won’t believe

Latest Replies Forums The Orange Lounge Lemme tell you about MY night … one you won’t believe

Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)
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  • #419
    Frank
    Participant

    Tonight, for whatever reason, will go down as one of THE longest nights of my life. The story starts thusly:

    I, Frank, actually had a date. I know, let me repeat that in case you missed it. I had a date. Decent looking girl, red hair, very nice jubblies, etc. Now, this is our second (2nd) date. I only mention that because she felt the need to start talking about “our” relationship, that I was her boyfriend, etc. One thing you should know about me (and Bing can back me up on this) is that when a woman starts talking like that and we’ve known each other for less than a month, I’m pretty much done with it right then and there. But, being the nice guy that I am, we go to dinner anyway. We were supposed to go see a movie afterwards, but I told her I was tired (my head hurt, I need to wash my hairs, I had to get up early, etc.) so that I could end it there.

    Does my story stop there? Oh, fuck no! There’s more! I’m driving home in the pouring rain and my fucking windshield wipers decide they no longer want to work … in the middle of a fucking torrential downpour. I can’t see a goddamn thing. I pull off the side of the road and let the storm go by a bit and keep going to the apartment. I don’t know why I stopped, but I decided to stop and get a couple of Coke Zeros before going home. Get the drinks, get back into my truck and head out.

    I see the car in front of me, but we’re in a merging lane, so I’m thinking he’ll keep on going. I’m looking at on-coming traffic and when the last car finally goes by I hit the gas.

    BUMP.

    Yep, smacked right into the back of the little white car that decided to stay in front of me instead of continuing on to wherever the hell he was going. At this point, I’m using all the dirty words including some that are locked away at the Vatican never to see the light of day. He pulls into the gas station and I follow him. Guy gets out of the car and I see he’s Mexican. I start talking to him and I can tell he probably knows about 3 words of English. I didn’t hit him hard enough to do any real damage, but there were a few scrapes and smudges, but nothing that couldn’t be buffed out. My truck was fine. In fact, I couldn’t really see a scratch on it. I keep asking the guy “What do you want to do?” And, again, he’s looking at me with a blank stare and looking down at his bumper. He starts to make a gesture like he wants me to write something down and I look at him and, since I know enough Spanish to get my ass out of trouble every now and again, tell him I have some cash in my wallet. I reach in and grab about 40 or 60 bucks (I’m not sure how much I grabbed) and handed it to him, which he takes quickly. I look at him and ask if we’re okay and he shakes his head, gets back in his car and takes off.

    I finally get home, soaked to the bone with a bag of warm soft drinks after smacking a Mexican and dealing with a needy, clingy woman, and my roommate greets me with one of the loudest and worst-smelling farts I think I’ve ever had the misfortune to be around.

    Okay, whose night can top that?.

    #6070
    Frank
    Participant

    Just to add a little more to the story (like enough hasn’t already happened) I just got an email from the date, bitching me out, etc. (I knew it was coming). I’m not giving her a chance, she doesn’t know what to say, she guesses this is goodbye, etc.

    You know what … today’s been a bitch enough of a day, I think I’m going to go to bed now and hope that me going to see the midnight showing of Live Free or Die Hard will fix me up right. Nothing like a little badass John McClain whooping up on the bad guys to make everything right with the world.

    #6065
    Bucho
    Participant

    When troubles come, they come not in single spies … but in battalions.

    I’ve nearly hit cars twice from doing that Frank, I see them start to move off, I turn and look to the oncoming traffic to see if the gap’s big enough for me to go too, it is, and just as I start moving and turn to face forward again I notice the imbecile in front of me has stopped again for no good reason. Seems like the best way to negotiate this world is usually to assume everyone around you has the brain of a window-licking chimpanzee and will act accordingly.

    Bummer about the date too, gotta watch those redheads though. Often hot but hot headed. Here’s to John McClain.

    - Women sense my power and they seek the life essence.

    #6069
    Bing
    Participant

    Did you get to see the Jubblies?

    aw shit who cares… did you take PICTURES of the jubblies so WE can see them???!?!?!?!

    Oh well, nicely done anyway.

    So just how planned did she have your future after 2 dates?

    #6066
    rob
    Participant
    Quote:
    Okay, whose night can top that?

    I saw a frog.

    #6071
    John from Boston
    Participant

    hehehe… you said Jubblies…

    #6067
    digitaltopia
    Participant
    Bing wrote:
    Did you get to see the Jubblies?

    aw shit who cares… did you take PICTURES of the jubblies so WE can see them???!?!?!?!

    Oh well, nicely done anyway.

    So just how planned did she have your future after 2 dates?

    I’m with Bing on this one.

    #6068
    Octavious
    Participant

    40 bucks? Frank, from what I know and use to live in NC, I would challenged that jumpin bean. Say “me go get Polica” and see if that fence climber runs.

    I remember sitting at a light in Wilmington, NC and a car goes thru the intersection, a truck plows into the Civic and 5 beaners get out of the car. My father goes, “want to make a bet they don’t have insurance.”

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