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I could see Jerry doing this…

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I could see Jerry doing this…

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Viewing 10 posts - 1 through 10 (of 10 total)
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  • #1083
    thx_1227
    Participant

    Not sure if this is true or not, but it is still funny…

    Quote:
    MAN BANNED FROM WAL-MART

    This is why women should not take men shopping against their will. DON’T TAKE THEM IF THEY DON’T WANT TO GO…

    After Mr. & Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart.
    Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men–he found shopping boring & preferred to get in & get out. Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women–she loved to browse.

    One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local Wal-Mart:

    Dear Mrs. Fenton,

    Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and documented by our video surveilla nce cameras.

    1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

    2 July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

    3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.

    4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, ‘Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.’

    5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M’s on layaway.

    6. September 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

    7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

    8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’

    9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera & used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

    10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

    11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ‘Mission Impossible’ theme.

    12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look’ by using different sizes of funnels (on the upper part of his chest, of course).

    13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’

    14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!’

    And last , but not least ….

    15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhil e, then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here!’

    Regards,
    Wal-Mart

    I could just see number 16:

    “Kept harassing employees in the fabric section about making a spider web.”

    #12985
    Octavious
    Participant

    I like number two.

    #12986
    Bing
    Participant
    Octavious wrote:
    I like number two.

    Swear to God my dad has done that to oven timers. All set to go off 15mins after each other.

    #12981
    Newman
    Participant

    Number 2 remind me of when me and a friend went to a wal-mart to waste some time and we set up a bunch of those dancing and singing hamsters (the fuck where they called?) on one aisle and set them off at the same time.

    Later on that same time we set a few stereo alarms and turned them up to full blast on a 70s or 80s station.

    Ah, good times.

    #12984
    digitaltopia
    Participant

    I’m not so sure this is true. I don’t think an old man would have the energy to do some of those things, and if he was taking the time to do all of those things, especially the ones with the yelling, I think his wife would’ve noticed. And I’m not sure the store is with it enough to be able to look at a picture of an old man and say, “Oh, that’s the husband of Mrs. So-and-So,” and then pull up their address and send them a letter. Besides, even if they did have their address, they’d be more likely to send a letter directly to the guy telling him about his unacceptable behavior.

    Still gave me a chuckle though.

    #12980
    Version3
    Keymaster

    Oh yeah, it’s quite obviously total bullshit, but there are some funny ones in there, some of which are very much Jerry ideas. The dressing room toilet paper sounds like something he’d suggest on a show.

    But you are right, some of those things would have this ‘old’ guy never getting up again.

    #12983
    digitaltopia
    Participant

    Now that’s one sexy avatar.

    Could you straighten out the lines of the window’s blinds by your face, so the only thing distorted would be your face itself?

    #12979
    Version3
    Keymaster

    Could I?

    or Would I?

    bignosebeforeandafter.jpg

    #12987
    thx_1227
    Participant

    Impressive, most impressive.

    #12982
    digitaltopia
    Participant

    There, that’s awesome.

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