:::: MENU ::::

The Switched ON Show

The Switched ON Show | Comedic Chaos and Stuff

Fumunda cheese and dingleberries

  • Comments Off on Fumunda cheese and dingleberries

Fumunda cheese and dingleberries

Latest Replies Forums The Orange Lounge Fumunda cheese and dingleberries

Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #766
    Bing
    Participant

    AAYY All’Ya’ll and such, Bing.

    My good buddy “Mike Pi” and his right hand man Mr. Shortbus requested I interview myself for the next “Who the hell listens to SOS”….

    Even though I spend an inordinate amount of time talking to myself, I found the prospect of interviewing myself to be a little daunting. So, in keeping with tradition we’re gonna change things up a bit (get it?…….neither did Frank)

    (Excerpts from Bing’s Brain, frontal lobe area right behind the duodenum next to the endoplasmic reticulum.)

    My SOS Addiction:
    I first tried SOS at a party with a friend. I remember laughing so much and I did not want the feeling to end, had I known then what would become of me I would never have given in to Jerry’s machinations, Rob’s perverted thoughts, or Bryan’s stories on bestiality in a Volkswagen. Before I knew it I was on a two show a week habit and even once listened to 5 shows in a single day. My doctor begged me to quit, citing extreme trauma to my laughcritis system. They told me I would be totally humorless in 6 months if I didn’t cut back….that was over a year ago. When Halloween came around I dressed up as Jerry (I wore a wig….actually a mop dyed yellow) and threw cans of corn at kids while they were “trick or treating”. Recently I joined a local SOS self-help group and I am feeling much better now.

    Why I love voicemail:
    I think the single greatest invention of the SOS era is the voicemail. Now Rusty and I can torture all of you with inane and mindless rants on life and the meaning of cheese. I miss the old days of Drunk Phil and Digitaltopia’s music. I tried to get Mike “Pi” to leave one but Shortbus said he couldn’t get the phone to work with his huge head. I was especially touched (in a non-gay way) when “Rob for Prez” was being said by other people, even though Pizza Hut didn’t get it.

    Why SOS ruined my life:
    I begged, pleaded, threatened, and downright irritated Captain Bryan to put up a gallery on the SOS page. Imagine my shock when I saw not a single pic of Rob in a speedo or Bryan naked in a VW bug (**gayness joke, not fact**). Stunned as I was, it was nothing compared to the comment of the lovely and sweet Bingette when she said “That Jerry guy is kinda cute”……….she’s was a casual listener until then. Now she listens to everything SOS I can get my hands on……I’m more of a Mike the Mortgage guy myself (speaking of which…..)

    The Emergence of the NTRAYDWTFWTKA:
    “Never Tell Rob Anything You Don’t Want The Free World To Know About”
    If you ever shit your pants..don’t tell Rob….(see Mike the Mortgage Guy biography by Darth Octavious chapter 12 page 24)
    also see SOS episode 107

    O.k. enough spying on my innermost thoughts, let’s move on to areas of general interest
    ********************
    Top 4 hardest things to do in life

    4- take a quiet dump in the office crapper
    3- Keep a straight face when you see someone fall down (see below)
    2- Sit at a red light when you absolutely, positively, have to pee….NOW!!
    1- Refrain from big-head jokes around Mike “Pi”

    Bing on Bing action:

    AYY! Bing, Bing.
    Yo!

    3 – Where did the name Bing come from and why?

    2 – What exactly does “Rob for Prez, even though he ain’t gay” mean?

    1 – What have you done to spread the word of SOS around the world?

    3- (name Bing?) When I was in high school I worked at a steakhouse. We had these little metal plates that fit inside the larger wooden plates. Occasionally the metal part would get placed on the grill and become very hot. Also occasionally an ounce or so of tabasco sauce would find a way onto the metal plate. As you would assume the sauce instantly boiled away leaving a low grade tear gas that would choke you to death. The more you coughed the more you needed to cough….One night a fellow co-worker was in the bathroom on the throne. A few of us took a very hot metal plate, dumped the sauce on it and slid it under the bathroom door. We held the door shut from the other side while the poor sap tried to clean himself up and not pass out at the same time.
    this has nothing to do with my nickname…I just wanted to tell that story

    2- (Rob prez?) Ask Rob.

    1- (preaching the SOS word) I’ve tried a lot of things. I’ve spent WAY more time promoting the SOS’ers than I have ever spent promoting my own shit. I think the 3 best things were I played Rob laughing on the radio and said that we would be starting a new show called Switched On next weekend and told all the listeners to google the name for details (I was fired). I went into Wal-Mart when school supplies were on sale and opened several packs of paper and scrawled http://www.switchedonshow.com on them (I ran out before I could be kicked out) and I always give the voicemail number out whenever someone asks for my phone number for nefarious reasons (sorry guys).

    (Excerpts from my interview with Mike the Mortgage Guy)

    Bing: So Mike, the SOS listeners don’t really know that much about you so why don’t you tell us about yourself.

    MMG: Well I was born to Harry and Barbara Mortgage in Rockwall Texas in June 1885.

    B: I see, and how did you come to be involved in the SOS show?

    MMG: Well I was the bubble technician on Rob’s “Sphincter 2000 Bubble-Boy” and we got to be good friends. We hung out a lot until I told him about my idea for an internet podcast. He rolled off and told all his friends about it and stole the idea right out from under me. I finally forgave him and decided to sponsor his show if he would pose on the gear page. Currently I’m working on putting that image up on billboards across the country.

    B: Interesting. Sometimes the guys pick on you for sounding stoned, are you a stoner?

    MMG: (coughing) nah, not really…wait…what was I saying?

    B: We also hear you are quite the ladies man. Any tips for our single listeners on how to be smooth with the ladies?

    MMG: Well, my appeal is my thing. But I will say this, you can get a lot further with a compliment and a qualude than with a compliment alone. Just ask YouFollowMe.

    B: So you know YouFollowMe?

    MMG: What makes you think you know that I know YouFollowMe?

    B: Huh?

    MMG: Exactly…here have a smoke.

    B: (coughing)….what were we talking about?

    MMG: Nothing..c’mon I’ll buy you a beer and you can explain this Rob for Prez thing to me

    B: (walking off with MMG) Well first you take a chicken and a weed-wacker…………………

    (the above interview is fiction)….I’m sure Mike has a great lawyer so I figured I say that

    ..one more…

    Top Three Funniest Times I’ve Seen Someone Get Hurt

    3 – A kid that was kind of a dick in High School was out playing baseball with us one afternoon. He was playing second base and not really paying attention. The pitch came and the batter hit a straight drive to his forehead. It smacked him out cold for a few seconds and gave him one hell of a headache the next day…..he was still a dick after that too.

    2 – When I was a teenager my sister and I were sitting on the front pew in church. We didn’t want to sit with Mom and Dad so we had moved up. A lady was coming down out of the choir and did a nose dive off the “stage”. Everyone else ran to help her but from the vantage point the two of us had we started roaring laughing. I was in tears and could barely breathe and my sister was snorting like a pig…..Mom and Dad wouldn’t LET us sit with them after that.

    1 – In college I worked part time at Radio Shack. The store was inside a shopping mall. We had those huge sliding glass doors at the front and, since it was close to mall closing time, we had one of them closed. A little Japanese man was turning the corner hard and fast. Not seeing the door due to the damn-near running pace he was at, he slammed into the door that shook it so hard it almost fell out of its track. Some of the guys thought it was an explosion, but I had seen the whole thing. That little guy hit so hard his glasses fell off, people were checking on him but he was fine. I don’t know who was more embarassed, him for hitting the door or me for being, literally…no joke, on the floor..rolling and laughing like a little kid…….(I saw him again about a month later and apologized..even bought him lunch)

    …and me getting hurt top 2

    2 – Back at the steakhouse of tear gas, I was running down the “front line” (The area the customers are lined up to place the order..kinda like a cafeteria line) when one foot got loose on the wet floor. Instinctively I grabbed for the nearest hold and ended up pulling the drink girl down with me….and the glasses rack. It was Sunday morning and all the churchgoers were in the line waiting to thank God for someone else’s cooking. As me and drinkgirl are on our way down and at the exact moment I realize the drinks are gonna all fall and break on us, I scream “FUCK!”….

    1 – I was in a buddies wedding. I fainted (post bachelor party dehydration)……not at the wedding mind you, at the reception. It wasn’t one of those “Gee you look pale..are you ok?….Oh No! He fainted!”. Everyone told me it was more like a belly flop..straight down on the face…………….twice

    That’s it boys, I was really hoping to get to all of ya’ before it got back to me and since I don’t wanna nominate someone myself I think we should hold it to a vote. Send the name of the next victim to 817-591-0356, if no one is nominated then I guess we will have to start something else……or I could try and fashion a new evil plan……

    And the nominees are
    El Nacho
    Bucho
    Digitaltopia
    Bsherrod
    Darth Octavious
    Scatt
    YouFollowMe?
    Frank
    Rusty

    Unless djohnson has any objections?
    LATE!!
    -bing.

    #10359
    Frank
    Participant

    Traversing the perils of Bing’s Mind can be tragic, tricky and some other “T” word. It also can be damned funny.

    #10355
    rob
    Participant

    I have apologized to the Mortgage Guy so many times…I thought it was okay to tell the story since he said that he called people right after it happened…

    But yeah, don’t tell me anything embarrassing, because it probably will end up on the show.

    And as always Bing, you’re the frickin’ man.

    #10356
    djohnson
    Participant

    Don’t worry about me. I’m not half as funny as y’all!

    I would vote for El Nacho to be next, but I don’t think we’ve seen him in a while…

    #10354
    Bucho
    Participant

    Bing ruuuuuules.

    I’d vote Digitaltopia. That way you could ask him if it’s Sean or Shaun or Shorn or Schawewn. And what was the head trauma he suffered that gave him such disturbing genius in songwriting.

    - Women sense my power and they seek the life essence.

    #10358
    Bing
    Participant

    This has been in my head since I heard it….

    A few shows back he (digitaltopia) did a song about a “Retarded somethingor-other”

    Someone please tell me what the lyric was I can’t understand it and it is driving me MAD!!!

    MAD I TELL YOU!!!!

    #10357
    Bing
    Participant

    ….any ideas on the lyric fellas?

    ..puh-leeze

    #10360
    El Rustirino
    Participant

    I haven’t gotten on the backlog in quite a while, so I can’t remember.

    BING, THAT KICKED ASS.

    You rule. And your torture is funny, mine is just…stupid. You’re awesome, dude.

    And I vote Bucho. That guy is weird.

    #10353
    Bucho
    Participant
    Rusty wrote:
    I haven’t gotten on the backlog in quite a while, so I can’t remember.

    BING, THAT KICKED ASS.

    You rule. And your torture is funny, mine is just…stupid. You’re awesome, dude.

    And I vote Bucho. That guy is weird.

    I’m the only normal one around here buddy. Also, Bing put out an APB Interogation called Who the Hell cares who listens to SOS–Last Man Standing to mop up us stragglers that’s about halfway down the page and you’re one of the only ones who ain’t run that gauntlet yet. You need to get in that one.

    - Women sense my power and they seek the life essence.

Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.