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Frank’s Pissed-off Review: Fantastic Four 2

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Frank’s Pissed-off Review: Fantastic Four 2

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Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)
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  • #1298
    Frank
    Participant

    Went to the midnight screening of the show tonight. I don’t think I’m spoiling anything here, but then again, the movie was already spoiled when I got to it.

    First up, the previews: All of them sucked with the exception of seeing the new Die Hard trailer, which I’m still stoked about seeing.

    So yeah, the new Fantastic 4 movie: In a few words, every negative thing you’ve heard about this movie is true.

    The plot? Horrible.

    The script? 16 monkeys and a 5-year-old could have written something better than this piece of garbage.

    The acting? Yeah, like you’re going to see real acting in a Marvel movie.

    Special effects? The Silver Surfer was awesome, I will say that. But the reviews were right; it looked like they spent more time working on the Surfer than they did on any of the other special effects. At one point, I actually thought to myself, “Hey, I think I remember seeing that exact same thing in Jim Carey’s The Mask.”

    Opening sequence? Hey, I’m sure the folks over at DC are going to be calling wanting some royalty checks since they pretty much stole the opening sequence from the new Superman movie.

    Continuity? Sue Storm’s hair is about five different lengths throughout the whole movie, going from short to long to short to even longer … all of this is supposed to happen within eight days.

    The ending? WILL PISS YOU THE FUCK OFF. Seriously. No, I mean it. It really will.

    All the so-called reviewers on Ain’t It Cool who said, “Yeah, you actually get to see Galacticus, he’s not just a cloud!” To that, I say BULLSHIT!

    The pacing was terrible. You know the scene in the trailers during the wedding when Johnny chases after the Surfer? That’s about 30 minutes into the movie. Nothing really exciting happens before then. For that matter, nothing really exciting happens for the next hour, either (the movie’s an hour and a half long, by the way).

    The thing that drove me crazy the most was, and this was pretty much straight from the movie, “Hey, how are we going to catch him? Hum, hold on … well, we can use this and we can pinpoint where he’ll be next, so we can catch him. All right? Cool, let’s go.” Yeah, I’m serious. It was WAY to fucking easy.

    And do they have to make Jessica Alba’s eyes so FUCKING BLUE? Seriously? They must have invented a whole new shade of blue because that color is just not natural to anyone and it’s really obvious.

    So yeah, there you have it. The movie was, for the most part, horrible. Special effects for the Surfer were cool, but it’s not worth paying an assload of money to go see scenes of the Surfer when you’ve pretty much seen most of them in previews.

    #15254
    Version3
    Keymaster

    sounds a little worse than I expected, and I really expected it to be pretty bad. Movies don’t get THIS much hype and actually have a payoff. I hope it has a decent opening weekend, giving the studio a little hope, then falls directly on it’s ass. They’ll probably blame internet piracy for it’s failure too.

    #15259
    Octavious
    Participant

    Jessica Alba, fucking blue eyes? Frank, I dont care what eye color is, she is a piece of ass.

    #15256
    Pa-ul
    Participant
    Darth Octavious wrote:
    Jessica Alba, fucking blue eyes?

    I don’t know about her eyes, but I know what I would like a crack at 😯


    If it doesn’t work, jam a screwdriver in there and jiggle it about.

    #15253
    Version3
    Keymaster

    her crack?

    #15257
    Pa-ul
    Participant
    Version3 wrote:
    her crack?

    I see you think along the same lines.

    Oh God, lines could be construed as something else as well.


    If it doesn’t work, jam a screwdriver in there and jiggle it about.

    #15258
    Octavious
    Participant

    Which one? Or both.

    #15260
    Bing
    Participant

    **singing as Rob**

    Come on Baby you smell like a Yak
    Now back your big ass up and let me play with your crack

    #15255
    Pa-ul
    Participant
    Darth Octavious wrote:
    Which one? Or both.

    Double or nothing. 😀


    If it doesn’t work, jam a screwdriver in there and jiggle it about.

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