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Frank goes to the bank, chaos ensues

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Frank goes to the bank, chaos ensues

Latest Replies Forums The Orange Lounge Frank goes to the bank, chaos ensues

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    In the interest of full disclosure: My roommate gave me a check today for rent/bills (this is a rarity, so I was taken aback, but hey, bills are due and I could use the money). He and I don’t participate in financial transactions at the same establishment (we don’t bank at the same place). I could deposit his check directly into my account, but it would take a couple of days to clear, whereas if I went to his bank and cashed the check, I could deposit cash and it would go right in, no problem. Here’s where the story starts:

    I pull up to the drive-thru at the Bank of America. There wasn’t anyone there and I thought, “Cool, I won’t be late for work.” Please note that when my roommate has given me a check in the past, I have done the exact same thing that I was trying to do today without any problems.

    I pull up to the window and this old, decrepit, geriatric, humpbacked granny is sitting, perched over the microphone. She says her required pleasantries, I return mine and I’m almost home, right?

    “Sir, do you have an account with us?”

    “No, my roommate does. The check’s from him and it says Bank of America on there. I’m just trying to get it cashed.”

    “Well, you’re going to have to come in.”

    “Beg pardon?”

    “You’re going to have to come in so we can stamp your thumb and we’re going to need two forms of ID.”

    “And that would be for ….?”

    “If you want this check cashed, you’re going to have to come in here. The drive-thru is for customers only.”

    “Am I not a customer?”

    She doesn’t say anything. She throws the check and my drivers license back through the little window. At this point, the rage has built up and someone’s about to get as many smart-assed comments as I can muster. So I grab the items, slam my truck into first gear and proceed to leave two very nice black marks from my tires from the drive-thru to the parking lot. Muttering obscenities to myself, I get out of my truck and proceed inside.

    Once inside, I notice that, unlike the line at the drive-thru that was non-existant, the line here was quite long. Midway through, I noticed that I am now late for work. This is going to be fun.

    Finally it was my turn. Another old crotchety bag is waiting on me.

    “Can I help you?” she says as she motions me along. She wants to make this quick, whereas I’ve decided to be a dick.

    “Yeah, I was told I need to get something stamped and two forms of something or another before you’ll cash my check,” saying it loudly enough for the people behind me AND the drive-thru biddy to hear me.

    “Okay sir, we’re going to need you to dip your right thumb on this pad and press it against the check.”

    “And this is for?”

    “We’re required to do that.”

    “I didn’t see the five people in front of me do that.”

    “They have an account with us, sir.”

    “Well that doesn’t seem fair. Why do I have to give you my thumbprint and they didn’t?”

    “If you had an account here, you wouldn’t need to be thumbprinted. Please, just put your right thumbprint here.”

    As I’m doing it …

    “Why does it have to be a right thumbprint? What if I didn’t have a thumb on my right hand?”

    “Then we’d print your other thumb.”

    “And if I didn’t have thumbs?”

    “Sir, I really don’t see …”

    “I might open up an account here and I’d like to know the business practices of my potential bank before signing the dotted line.”

    “Then we’d use a fingerprint.”

    “Okay, what if I didn’t have hands?”

    “I don’t know, sir. I need to see two forms of ID.”

    “Okay, here’s my drivers license. What constitutes an ID?”

    “If you have a military ID, or something else with a picture on it …”

    “I’ve got my press badge, does that count?”

    “That’ll do.”

    “So, if this is how you treat non-account holders, what hoops do you make your account holders jump through to get a check cashed?”

    She doesn’t answer. She hands me the money and doesn’t even bother to say have a nice day. As I turned to walk out, I noticed the line had gotten significantly longer and people were looking directly at me with expressions ranging from being pissed off to “I can’t believe he just did that.”

    Anyway, thought I’d share my banking experience..


    Yeah, that’s the evil bank of the Northern Hemisphere for you. Be glad they didn’t pop you with the $5.00 check cashing fee that they always hit you with for every check over $100. I hate that bank and will NEVER bank there.

    The drive-thru thing is true of all of them though, has been here for several years.

    You know what I hate about this bank Frank? If you are a non-account holder, you can’t use those banks inside the grocery store at all. Not for anything but signing up to be one of their so-called “customers”. You must use a freestanding branch only. What the fuck is that, they can’t buy ink pads if they are stationed in a grocery store? Fuck that bank.


    Having been with Frank (as a innocent bystander of course) during times like this in the past. I must say you were quite calm on this one.

    Hope you’re not loosing your edge.


    I have to say, as a person who gets pissed off at banks repeatedly, ALL BANKS SUCK!

    I end up switching banks every few months because they’re all a huge pain in the ass and seem to want to nickel and dime me to death. It’s not enough that they’re making millions in interest every single night just because they have my money stored there and do short-term, overnight loans with it? I have to pay them more money for the privilege of them storing my money for me?

    Banks are quite the racket. How do I start my own?


    There you go Dave! The birth of the Orange Lounge Bank


    Where all money made on other people’s money pays for boobies to bounce about on the in constant production video version of the switched:ON Show. 😀

    Version3 wrote:
    Where all money made on other people’s money pays for boobies to bounce about on the in constant production video version of the switched:ON Show. 😀

    I know what bank I’m about to switch to …


    Haha, I loved picturing that scenario in my head Frank, at least you got the satisfaction of having the balls to make a scene.

    Version3 wrote:
    Where all money made on other people’s money pays for boobies to bounce about on the in constant production video version of the switched:ON Show. 😀

    Sign me up right nooooow!

    - Women sense my power and they seek the life essence.

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