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The Switched ON Show

The Switched ON Show | Comedic Chaos and Stuff

An SOS action, horror, romance, sci-fi, porn adventure

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An SOS action, horror, romance, sci-fi, porn adventure

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Viewing 11 posts - 1 through 11 (of 11 total)
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  • #1579
    Bing
    Participant

    By request….
    (see show 113 thread in show comments)

    Captain Bryan was restless. The mission ahead of him was simple, pick up an alien ambassador and take her to the rendezvous. Simple and easy, or at least it should be. He just couldn’t shake the feeling of uneasiness as he sat in the command chair off the SOS Starcruiser “WhoreDog” when first mate Jerry walked onto the bridge. “Hey buttface you seen my spaceboots?” he asked. “Jerry! behind you!” Bryan screamed just seconds before a gigantic pus-o-morph materialized behind Jerry. Using his lightening fast Jedi reflexes Jerry spun 90 degrees and stepped into the monster with a elbow jab that connected perfectly with the pus-o-morphs engorged duodenum. As the screams of pain and the splatter of pus-blood blanketed the bridge Bryan was closing the distance with his trusty Blasto-matic sphincter cannon aimed directly at Jerry. “DOWN!” the Captain commanded. No sooner had Jerry hit the floor than a beam of sphincter blast caught the pus-o-morph in the head, killing it instantly.

    “We had better inform the ambassador” the two said in unison. “What about the mess?” Jerry asked. “Newman will get it” Bryan calmly reassured him.

    Deep in the bowels of the WhoreDog’s massive engine room sat Chief Engineer Rob “Stubby” Michaels. Rob was a veteran of the Great Cleavage War and had lost all his limbs in the historic Battle of Booby Hill, where he was awarded for bravery far above and beyond the call of duty. His cybernetic limbs required constant tinkering to function properly, not surprising considering the price he paid for them. “Ah shit, that ain’t gonna fit” he growled to himself “AAYY! ChickPoo, get in her and bring me a flathead screw driver!” Rob knew that ChickPoo didn’t like to be yelled at but his half-turd half-chicken android would have to deal with it…Rob was on a tight schedule. “If I don’t get the security system online before the WhoreDog encounters another Pus-o-morph patrol we’re all dead” he explained to a curious and hurt looking ChickPoo. **splat squish BA-BACH!!** asked ChickPoo, obviously worried. “I wouldn’t worry about that” he reassured the android, “I doubt the ambassador will even know what happened on the bridge with Jerry earlier, Bryan’s not that stupid ya’know.”

    “So earlier a Pus-o-morph tried to kill Jerry on the bridge madam Ambassador” Bryan said. He didn’t think he’d ever get used to Whore-o-morphs; a species of giant slut aliens that this particular ambassador happened to be. If that wasn’t bad enough this was Whore-o-morph mating season, and this ambassador was one horny bitch. “Let me get this straight” the ambassador interrupted, her heavy naked breasts heaving in the glow of the WhoreDogs lights “Some pus-a-something tried to hurt poor Jerry and all you wanna do is just stand there? Get over here NOW you silly men before I slap you both with my gi-normous hooters.”

    **Blabba Squeak Splash** ChickPoo shouted as Rob’s legs decided to do the Electric Slide instead of walking forward. “GodDangit I know that!” Rob hollered “Damn power cell keeps getting magnetized and sticking to the knee joint! Just hit reset on the damn things before I moonwalk my ass outta the airlock!” After a few minutes of what most cultures would see as an elaborate mating dance ChickPoo and Rob were able to reset his cybernetic legs to re-boot in safe mode so that the former soldier could walk in a more dignified fashion than he had been just seconds before. “Stupid cheap pieces of sh-“

    Just then an inhuman cry reverberated thru the ship
    WOO-HOO-HOOOOO!!!

    “What the fuck was that!” Rob grabbed Chickpoo and threw himself and the startled android into a small alcove conveniently located in the hallway. “It sounded like Bryan, but he only makes that noise when he….oh no! NOT THE AMBASSADOR!!” Rob’s face went pale and the long forgotten emotion of fear crept into his soul. “ChickPoo! Quick! To the armory!”

    “Dangit Bryan get your arm outta my ass!” complained Jerry “This ain’t the way it should be!”. “QUIET! Both of you!”, barked the ambassador “I haven’t had my *special moment* yet and you both are to be held responsible”. “Ma’am I’d love to stay and help, but I gotta go fly the ship.” Bryan said. “NEVER!” was the only reply Bryan heard before a giant labia slammed him into the wall knocking him unconscious. “NOOOO!!” Jerry screamed in rage “You’ll pay for that you giant-breasted nymphomaniac alien whore!” Jerry was already in motion before the words left his mouth. The ambassador had him by the face and was slinging him toward the hatch at such speed that Jerry knew he would never survive the impact. As he sailed headfirst to his certain death Jerry experienced a moment of Zen-like calm, “where will I go when I pass” he wondered to himself, “what will become of me?” the familiar vision of light at the end of a tunnel appeared to him “this is it” he thought to himself “I finally get to see God…and he looks just like…….

    “Rob?”

    ChickPoo thought it odd that Jerry would say such a thing at the same instant Rob opened the door to the ambassadors cabin. ChickPoo thought it more odd that Jerry seemed to be flying as he said it. ChickPoo did not find it odd at all that 3.221345 nanoseconds before Jerry would have collided with Rob that Rob’s cybernetic legs malfunctioned again. This time, instead of dancing, they appeared to be backpedaling at a rate only slightly less than Jerry’s current and still unexplained speed of flight.

    “What the hell” was all Rob was able to think before he realized he and Jerry were both lying in a heap of broken armory weapons 20 feet away from the door he just tried to open. “Shit man! You broke all my damn guns and stuff Jerry!” Rob complained. “Dude you saved my life! We gotta get in there and save Bryan’s, that ambassador is a Whore-o-morph..he’ll never last against her alone!” Jerry pleaded. “Yeah dumbass, that was the plan until your little Superman imitation broke all the bleedin’ guns!!” Rob said as he picked himself up off the pile of now useless weapons. “Jerry you stay here while I go and get some more guns…keep an eye on ChickPo—……ChickPoo?”

    Rob’s voice trailed off as the sight he saw made his blood run cold. Inside the ambassador’s giant vagina was a limp and lifeless ChickPoo, still held there by the grinding gyrations of the enormous alien’s hips. “Your little toy provided me with quite the show before she died…Mr. Michaels”…Rob, still stunned by sight before him and the tragic loss of ChickPoo, said the only thing that came to his mind “How…how do you know my name?”…”I remember a lot about you Mr. Michaels,” answered the ambassador, “I remember how you charged blindly up the slope at Booby Hill and threw that queef grenade that ruined my operation there. To think they gave you a medal for running towards giant breasts. HA! You’d think you had actually done something heroic that day you little man.” She taunted him further, “Step inside this room and let’s finish what we started back then on that fateful day”

    “No need to” said an icy calm and unusually laconic Rob.
    “Oh I think you do” purred the ambassador “you, like your friends are now..MINE”
    “Does that include ChickPoo too, you giant fish-smelling cunt!”

    From Jerry’s perpective several feet behind Rob it looked as if Rob was taking a part of his knee joint out. Curious, thought Jerry, that Rob would be performing maintenance at such a moment. That was until Rob threw the aforementioned leg part at the ambassador…no..wait…..not the ambassador..at…

    …ChickPoo?

    Rob had dealt with an annoying power cell in his left knee for weeks, damn thing always buzzed and got stuck ever since it magnetized. In one move he ripped it out and tossed it at the one thing he knew he could hit form this distance..ChickPoo’s metal body.

    “Tell me ambassador” Rob said, savouring the moment “What happens when electrified metal meets metal in a wet environment?”

    The ambassador never got a chance to respond before the knee joint stuck to ChickPoo’s dead body and sprayed sparks all over the room. She must have gone happy Rob thought, stupid alien whore must’ve had the orgasm of the century judging by the grin on her face.

    “What the hell is that smell and what did I miss?” asked a very groggy and unhappy Captain Bryan. “Why does it smelled like burnt ass in here?

    And they all lived happily ever after….

    …..except ChickPoo that is……

    #19235
    Bucho
    Participant

    Bing, you are one magnificent son-of-a-bitch my friend. Magnificent. That’s the best thing I have ever read on the internet.

    It’s even more awesome if you read it with the boys’ voices in your head. I love happy endings.

    - Women sense my power and they seek the life essence.

    #19240
    Bing
    Participant

    “SOS” = viable entertainment in any form

    #19236
    rob
    Participant

    Heheh…that is really funny. The Battle of Booby Hill. Can’t think of a better way to lose my limbs.

    #19239
    Bing
    Participant

    In the Special Edition of the story you’ll get to read the scene where your arms were actually whittled away from trying to feel all the boobies at once

    #19234
    Bucho
    Participant

    What I love is how you bring so many elements of good story-telling/writing to something you’ve slapped together in a couple of days or less. The pacing is near-perfect, the way the split narative comes together, the simple-mission-goes-bad thing, the use of real words I’ve never heard of, the use of made up words that are funny, the allusion to the real world (“Newman will get it” – brilliant), Bryan aiming at Jerry then telling him to hit the floor, the “Bryan would never say that” followed immediately with Bryan saying it, the way you give Rob a dark past that converges into the climax, the way Rob’s malfunctioning bionic apendages ironically come to his rescue without his will, the way Rob’s malfunctioning bionic apendages ironically provide him with the way to hit the target from far away, the way Rob brings up a Superman reference regarding Jerry, the way you describe certain moments from another character’s point of view, the way the climax of the story is a climax …

    Fark dude, there’s more but I’m gonna swamp the thread if I try and get them all. You know your shit dude, you have talent to burn. I bought an extra lotto ticket yesterday and if I hit the big one I’m gonna bankroll the SOS/Bing movie or something ’cause the world needs to know.

    - Women sense my power and they seek the life essence.

    #19241
    El Rustirino
    Participant

    Bing…

    Bing, you’re awesome.

    #19238
    Bing
    Participant

    I’m really glad you guys are liking this.

    SOS is better than crack!
    (even though I’ve never had crack)

    …ChickPoo for Prez!!

    keep reading and spread the word!

    #19233
    Bucho
    Participant

    Welp, I didn’t get the lottery win so grand larceny it is.

    - Women sense my power and they seek the life essence.

    #19232
    Bucho
    Participant

    This needs to be bumped so newer forum members can bathe in its awesomeness. That’s right Bing, maybe I am kissing your hairy Southern ass (dang I sure hope you have showers there in SC, not to mention the Hoff soap) but it’s for a good cause. I was just praying to little baby Jesus last night that a sequel might happen, maybe with Temuera Morrison and Eric Estrada in it. A boy can dream, right?

    - Women sense my power and they seek the life essence.

    #19237
    Bing
    Participant

    Our showers here are the wettest around. In fact we guarantee full wetness in 5 mins or your water back!!!

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