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-When receiving “oral pleasure” for the first time by a lovely lady made of breasts and all things womanly you discover you absolutely have to fart. It’s coming out whether you want it to or not. You know that the offensive act will contain only air and no “detritus”, do you stop the act or hope that she won’t notice? Should you choose to stop, how do you do it? What do you say?
Oh, I’d stop it… but only to suggest we move to a piece of furniture for the ‘finale’. I’d crop dust her dog on the way to said furniture.
-During a job interview you discover that your potential employer has a hanger (booger). Much to your horror the dried secretion falls free from the clutches of its nose hair anchor and lands with a (quite audible) thud on the desk. What do you think of to keep from laughing?
I’d look behind me like a dead body fell out of the sky.
-which goes on first pants or socks?
-fasten then zip or zip then fasten?
Fasten, check, zip re-check.
-You find a stash of bestiality porn at Grandma’s house. Will you still leave your dog alone with her or not?
Sure, my dog’s a whore anyway.
-Detail for the SOS’ers the first time you were ever kicked, hit, or smacked in the nuts.
I don’t know about the ‘first’ time, but the most memorable happened sometime in 11th grade. Two kids were on bikes and mouthing off as we drove past. I got out and starting yelling back. Was about to square off with one of them, when he scoots aside and the other guy is launching a very long swing kick into my nuts. I lost contact with the ground. I did not fall down, and it did not hurt… yet. They ran, got on bikes and I got my footing and chased after for about 300 or so feet. Then the heat started… then the pressure. Then the curling up in the fetal position. My friends placed me in my own car and drove me home. I stayed home from school for two days because I couldn’t stand or walk very well.
-You are able to become invisible for up to 2 hours once every day. Assuming you don’t visit the same place twice in a week, describe week one.
I’d find a full-length mirror and get behind a corner and jump out and say “ha!” for about 2 hours. I’d probably do this for 6 days before I finally came up with a plan to stalk Selma Hayek which of course would fail because I’d have to waste my last day of invisibility sneaking on the plan to get to wherever she is. I’d get frustrated, wait until the next day, sneak back on an airplane and do the “ha” thing again everyday, but this time near a Fredrick’s of Hollywood changing room.
-If Rob was an animal what would he be?
I can agree with the Hyena because of the laugh, but since no animals make me laugh that much, I’ll say a circus bear. 😀
-If Jerry was a food what would he be?
Something really weird… two things you like, but that don’t really go together. Like Fried Chicken with chocolate sauce.
-If Bryan was a genre of entertainment what would he be?
I don’t feel I should answer my own question, but let’s go with ‘Porn’. Really great in small doses, but gets old, predictable and really cheesy if it goes on forever.
-What is the best way to give out the SOS voicemail phone number and have you done it?
Boob flash of course (number written across them, duh!). No I haven’t, but maybe I should.
Rob for Prez….even though he ain’t gay
Bryan for Prom Queen…cause his dog’s a whore
Jerry needs a grammy…..fuck grandpa
(or add your own)
Bing for show Mascot, because he’d look funny as a big furry costume!
-(El Nacho + Bucho) – (Digitalopia * Bsherrod) = Bing, or the end of the universe. Shit, did I carry the one?
-Under what conditions would you allow yourself to be used as a human cannonball? Are you saying you have a cannon right now?
I don’t often listen to our show, so I just MadLibbed this one
-Every time I think of SOS I spew until reflective donuts fall. Those jewish settlers get me rolling in flour all the live long days unless I can catapult my genitals.
-My most traumatic experience with a kitchen appliance was the time________.
I haven’t had a lot of trauma in the kitchen, but I’ll get back to you all when I do.