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-When receiving “oral pleasure” for the first time by a lovely lady made of breasts and all things womanly you discover you absolutely have to fart. It’s coming out whether you want it to or not. You know that the offensive act will contain only air and no “detritus”, do you stop the act or hope that she won’t notice? Should you choose to stop, how do you do it? What do you say?
I’d fart in her mouth, and then say “How’d that taste, bitch?” Yeah, I’m really that nasty.
-During a job interview you discover that your potential employer has a hanger (booger). Much to your horror the dried secretion falls free from the clutches of its nose hair anchor and lands with a (quite audible) thud on the desk. What do you think of to keep from laughing?
I’d think of millions of crying dolphin babies that lost their tails in gruesome stunt diving accidents.
-which goes on first pants or socks?
-fasten then zip or zip then fasten?
Zip then fasten. We’re talking about my human disguise, right?
-You find a stash of bestiality porn at Grandma’s house. Will you still leave your dog alone with her or not?
I’d put a lobster trap over the dog’s “grandma entrance area”.
-Detail for the SOS’ers the first time you were ever kicked, hit, or smacked in the nuts.
It was just after my operation, so I was still getting used to the ol’ dangler and marbles. When I was a woman, I used to play a game called “hit the babymaker.” I tried it as a man, and it knocked me out cold.
-You are able to become invisible for up to 2 hours once every day. Assuming you don’t visit the same place twice in a week, describe week one.
Week one would basically consist of getting people dirty and oral pleasure, although not necessarily in that order.
-If Rob was an animal what would he be? Sex panther.
-If Jerry was a food what would he be? A big juicy hamburger with lunch lady hair in the middle.
-If Bryan was a genre of entertainment what would he be?Ummm…, twin Eskimo sluts?
-What is the best way to give out the SOS voicemail phone number and have you done it? Write it on someone’s forehead when they are sleeping. No, I haven’t.
Jerry needs a grammy…..fuck grandpa
-(El Nacho + Bucho) – (Digitalopia * Bsherrod) = Elbuchopshe?
-Under what conditions would you allow yourself to be used as a human cannonball? If the landing zone consisted of hot nurses.
-Every time I think of SOS I masturbate until hammer time. Those grizzly bears get me disemboweled all the time unless I can reach my blowgun.
-My most traumatic experience with a kitchen appliance was the time the microwave held me hostage