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-When receiving “oral pleasure” for the first time by a lovely lady made of breasts and all things womanly you discover you absolutely have to fart. It’s coming out whether you want it to or not. You know that the offensive act will contain only air and no “detritus”, do you stop the act or hope that she won’t notice? Should you choose to stop, how do you do it? What do you say?
I say, “Wait here baby, I got a special surprise for you,” head for the kitchen, release the valve and return with chocolate sauce. And a monkey.
-During a job interview you discover that your potential employer has a hanger (booger). Much to your horror the dried secretion falls free from the clutches of its nose hair anchor and lands with a (quite audible) thud on the desk. What do you think of to keep from laughing?
SOS announcing final ever show. AKA the end of the world.
-which goes on first pants or socks?
Fishnets. Pants. Diving helmet.
-fasten then zip or zip then fasten?
I don’t trust zips. They think they’re so fuckin cool, all “look at me I can link together,” then they fail at the exact wrong moment. That’s why I use superglue.
-You find a stash of bestiality porn at Grandma’s house. Will you still leave your dog alone with her or not?
I trust my dog but I wouldn’t let her anywhere near my walrus.
-Detail for the SOS’ers the first time you were ever kicked, hit, or smacked in the nuts.
Riding my bike, about 8 years old, the bike stops suddenly and me and my nads come to a just as sudden halt against the gooseneck. For at least a week I had bigger balls than Laird Hamilton. I still use the photos to get chicks.
-You are able to become invisible for up to 2 hours once every day. Assuming you don’t visit the same place twice in a week, describe week one.
Day 1: Visit girls changing rooms/showers at a gym.
Day 2: Visit girls changing rooms/showers at another gym.
Day 3: Visit girls changing rooms/showers at a field hockey park.
Day 4: Visit library and blow in hot librarian’s ears.
Day 5: Wait at traffic lights for boy racers to stop. Let down tires. Find one with window down. Reach in and take keys. Drop keys into drain.
Day 6: Head into a mall. Start with innocently tipping people’s drinks into their laps and icecreams off cones in the food courts. Find a woman with a pram. Take the baby out and make it fly around until I get tired. Steal jewellery.
Day 7: Kick gangstas in the nuts.
-If Rob was an animal what would he be?
Lindsay Lohan’s pussy.
-If Jerry was a food what would he be?
A full roast. Hearty, wholesome, healthy, talented and unpredictably hilarious. You know, one of those talented, hilarious roasts.
-If Bryan was a genre of entertainment what would he be?
A cross between huge variety show, a circus, Letterman and astronaut porn. Whaaaaaat …?
-What is the best way to give out the SOS voicemail phone number and have you done it?
Can’t ring it from NZ, I’ve tried, but if I was in the US I’d paint it on the side of the space shuttle. Or Oprah Winfrey.
Rob for Prez….even though he ain’t gay
Bryan for Prom Queen…cause his dog’s a whore
Jerry needs a grammy…..fuck grandpa
(or add your own)
Bing for more regular guest on the phone with SOS … cause he talks like an angel.
-(El Nacho + Bucho) – (Digitalopia * Bsherrod) =
The sexiest boyband the world has ever known.
-Under what conditions would you allow yourself to be used as a human cannonball?
Anything that would result in getting me sponge bathed.
-Every time I think of SOS I ____ until _____. Those _____ get me ______ all the _______ unless I can ______ my _______.
Every time I think of SOS I squeal like a schoolgirl until I faint like a schoolgirl. Those fucking awesome legends of podcasting get me laid all the time unless I can afford my very own real doll.
-My most traumatic experience with a kitchen appliance was the time________.
I tried to use a vibrator to fight off a midnight attack by ninjas. Oh wait …
- Women sense my power and they seek the life essence.