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Re: Who the Hell cares about Captain Bryan?

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Re: Who the Hell cares about Captain Bryan?

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1 – Imagine you are the kid on the handlebars of a bike spoken of in show 111 that Bryan hit in the nuts with an egg. You stumble across SOS on the web and you decide to leave a voicemail….whaddya say on it?

Hey pal, you don’t know or remember me, but I’d like to put my kids on the phone. Their names are Denton, Flappy, and Meluvapples. Thanks again.

2 – What really set off the old lady that Bryan assaulted in the parking lot after he hit her car when she tried to run him over? (show # citation needed)

When after the cop showed up, realized she was an old victim-loving bitch, ignored her completely, and began chit-chatting about the new 23″ cinema display Bryan has at work.

3 – Describe (from the young lady’s point of view) Bryan’s first sexual experience as YOU think it happened?

“Why isss he laughing and giggling? Like, I mean, it’sss like he’sss having sssome kind of an inssside joke marathon in hisss brain. Ya-righeeeet. Totally. I bet he’sss going to go make jokesss about thisss with hisss friendsss right after this… That’sss why I’m going to leave an open cut on his dingly-doo before we’re through, Mr. Magoo. Cha-righeeeet.

4 – Let’s say you work with Bryan and one day in the office crapper you are sitting down on the throne thinking of the mysteries of the universe when he runs in a sits in the stall next to you to “unload”. Describe the smell and try to extrapolate what he had for dinner the past 2 nights.

“Oh, for Christ’s sake, pal… Aw gawd… This guys farts have like a ‘new appliance’ smell to them… Oh no…. It’s like plastic and carcass… It’s like he’s been eating a Steak ‘n Shake, CiCi’s, and Pepto Bismol blended with afterbirth concoction, aw it’s rancid”.

5 – Disregarding canonical evidence and Bryan’s own recollections. What is YOUR version of the first time Rob and Bryan met?

Bryan: “Hey bud, your shoe’s untied”.

Rob: “Oh shit…”

Bryan: “Wanna start an internet audio show with me in a few years?”

Rob: “…yeah”.

Bryan: “Good…. Let’s share Chapsticks. Here, gimme yours.”

Rob: “…”

Bryan: “…”

*Magic was born*

6 – Before you saw his picture (sexy thang that he is) what was your earliest mental image of Bryan’s physical and facial appearance? How accurate were you?

Then: Similar physique, unclear face, sounds like Kevin Smith.

Now: I’d say for the vagueness of my original construct, I was kinda close. I still see why I thought he sounded like Kevin Smith to this day, but not as strongly since I know his voice to be the ‘voice of Bryan from the Switched On Show’

7 – If SOS “hits it big” one day and becomes a national show and makes a gabazillion dollars, how will you describe Bryan when being interviewed by the press on the “Old Time Fans of SOS half-hour comedy hour show”?

He had extremely well-brought logic. He had a terribly see-through fake prank-call voice. He had really good stories…

He.. laughed more then.. He had… a love of laughter. He used to blow blood and soda out of his nose laughing so much. He used to pinch his tallywhacker, because he didn’t want to ruin furniture. All that’s gone, now that he’s rich. He does too much coke and yells, “Wee! Look at me! I’m a….star”… sadness… sadness.

8 – Using the voice of Bryan’s “inner monologue” tell us what he is thinking during any given SOS show?

*Fade In*: “…I don’t care who says what, I’m not editing… Nope, that’s final. If they think I’m editing shit, then can squeeze their nuts ’til they’re babbling in tongues. Fuck ’em. I’m not doing it. How many times do I have to tell you, brain? We. Don’t. Edit. Now get lost……. Damn it, the show’s bombing.. I’ll edit a dingleberry from my crack before I edit the show, though. Kiss my ass world, I’m not ed…” *Gently Fade Out*