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Re: Who the Hell cares about Captain Bryan?

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Re: Who the Hell cares about Captain Bryan?

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1 – Imagine you are the kid on the handlebars of a bike spoken of in show 111 that Bryan hit in the nuts with an egg. You stumble across SOS on the web and you decide to leave a voicemail….whaddya say on it?

You guys have to hear this. I just tracked down the address of the bastard that egged my nuts and I’m waiting outside his house with a bucket of jelly and a rubber chicken. Here he comes …

2 – What really set off the old lady that Bryan assaulted in the parking lot after he hit her car when she tried to run him over?

He was wearing a Ponch t-shirt but she was always a John fan.

3 – Describe (from the young lady’s point of view) Bryan’s first sexual experience as YOU think it happened?

“All I have to do is stop him from putting his hand down my pants, get my money and get out and he’ll be none the wiser. Oh shit, I think I missed some stubble on my adams apple …”

4 – Let’s say you work with Bryan and one day in the office crapper you are sitting down on the throne thinking of the mysteries of the universe when he runs in a sits in the stall next to you to “unload”. Describe the smell and try to extrapolate what he had for dinner the past 2 nights.

After regaining consciousness on the floor I was left with the unmistakable impression that Bryan has a taste for Mexican food, Rockstar and haggis.

5 – Disregarding canonical evidence and Bryan’s own recollections. What is YOUR version of the first time Rob and Bryan met?

“Top bunk’s mine sweetcheeks.”

6 – Before you saw his picture (sexy thang that he is) what was your earliest mental image of Bryan’s physical and facial appearance? How accurate were you?

Can’t remember, pretty much like he is I guess, like a dude you’d want on your side in a barfight. Except I didn’t realise he had such pretty eyelashes.

7 – If SOS “hits it big” one day and becomes a national show and makes a gabazillion dollars, how will you describe Bryan when being interviewed by the press on the “Old Time Fans of SOS half-hour comedy hour show”?

“Well Conan, before I became his limo driver I was just another fan. Back then he was the rock that anchored the show, he did the grunt-work and lead the troops at the same time. He flew the Millenium Falcon while Rob flew the X-wing and Jerry wore a red cape. After The Three Amigos II broke Titanic’s records and the boys’ bank accounts became insanely engorged and he built that actual Millenium Falcon he quit the social scene to spend more time with Jessica and their 13 kids. He still does the podcast though, sometimes even with pants on.”

8 – Using the voice of Bryan’s “inner monologue” tell us what he is thinking during any given SOS show?

… alright, the Rockstar is starting to kick in … gotta find some boobies to work into the album art somehow … levels look good … I believe in penguins … need to get the camera hooked up next show so I can do that awesome idea of posting a two-minute highlight cut … hmmm, I really don’t know about Jessica’s idea to have 13 kids, I reckon 8 is enough …

- Women sense my power and they seek the life essence.