Man, it’s so, so, so fuggin great to hear the show again. You magnificent bastards.
Now, I ain’t no love doctor or nothin’ (at least that’s what the judge told me) but my best advice for Jerry, having been a single chap in my 30s not long ago, and tired of the bar/clubbing scene for meeting chicks, is joining social sports clubs or meeting girls on internet dating sites.
Dating over the net is a social norm these days, the old weirdness that used to be attached to it is gone. It is time consuming doing all the writing but as far as I can see it’d be a sweet way to find someone who has a similar outlook on life and interests, just don’t make the mistake of hooking up with someone from too far away. There’s a big pool of prospective lovelies which increases the chance of meeting someone cool.
The social side of clubs is the best way I know of. Something like 10-Pin or a social soccer or basketball competition that has mixed teams, or a book club. You end up making friends with more girls, which I reckon is the best start to any relationship, and even if those girls are already attached, once you become friends and they see you’re a nice guy they might have other friends who are single that they’ll want to introduce you to. I was surprised how many of my friends were so keen to introduce me to a single friend of theirs when my last relationship ground to a halt, a lot of women seem to have a natural desire to be matchmakers so the more girl friends you have the more girls you have the potential of meeting.
Alternatively, go up to a girl you see in public that you like the look of and use that patented Jerry Markham wit to confidently ask her out for coffee or hot chocolate because she looks fantastic in that shirt/sweater/blouse/dress/Boba Fett costume. Play the averages. You may get rebuffed 12 or 15 times but as long as you react with confidence and nonchalance and be a gentleman about it you have nothing to lose, right?
Another great way to meet new girls is to follow them from a distance for a month or so, until you know their movements very well (and have spent enough time observing them to know they don’t practice jiu-jutsu). Then one night, in a quiet carpark or street, having made sure no one else is around, shoot her with a tranquilizer dart and bundle her into your van. After that just tie her to a chair and make her think you’re holding her for ransom and let Stockholm Syndrome take its course.
If none of that floats your boat, crash weddings and funerals, it worked for Vince Vaughn. Also, try to cultivate a foreign accent, word on the street is chicks love that. Or just move overseas where your natural accent is foriegn, you get the same affect without the bald-faced lies.
p.s. That’s a fine idea Rusty me old cobber, just remember the sunscreen, in NZ Christmas is a summer event.
- Women sense my power and they seek the life essence.