WELLINGTON, New Zealand – A fishing crew has caught a colossal squid that could weigh a half-ton and prove to be the biggest piece of ass ever landed, a fisheries official said Thursday.
The squid, weighing an estimated 990 pounds and about 39 feet long, took two hours to lube up for penetration, New Zealand House Budda Ben Bucho said.
The fishermen were catching Patagonian toothfish, sold under the name PawPaw’s Fishy Fingers, south of New Zealand “and the squid was so beautiful I instantly became erect,” Bucho said in a statement.
New Zealand festival organizers plan to feed hundreds of people with the catch. “I know everyone will be happy” Bucho stated to reporters at the scene, “I just hope I get the ass before someone else lays claim to it”.