I was given a job offer recently, and although I was really ready to make the move from my current position, I really wanted to say something less typical about my departure. –Or at least say it more creatively.
If you search the whole damn inner net of webbed pipes and shit, you’ll find a crap ton of professional view on how a resignation letter should be written, and they’ll all be 90% the same, and 95% bullshit. You are leaving a job, it’s no fucking secret that something better has indeed come along. Many people are very happy and excited to get the fuck out of the cubicle hole they are in, yet they all include things like “It is with a heavy heart”, “…I’ve learned so much from each and every one of you…”, “…I appreciate the shared knowledge and professionalism…” or “…I’ll still keep the department photo up every night that I stroke it after the new better, hotter and sexier job…”. In the end, it’s boring, nobody cares and everyone knows which part is total crap. If you want to stay professional just send over “Announcement Purpose: Resigning Effective Date: [insert date here]” That’s enough to do what you have to do professionally.
Now in searching the whole damn inner net of webbed pipes and asian walrus porn what you will find is creative solutions to quitting your job. If you don’t mind not only burning the bridges, but also the town and all of the daycares that surround it with cute little cooing babies in them. Why are people creative and professional? Why can’t you have fun, and leave on good terms? I say you can… so I did.
This is the actual (and only version) notice I provided to my supervisors at my most recent job, and the one that is going in my permanent employee file. HR loved it, my bosses seemed to like it, and women keep dialing me at 2am for sex. Yes, this method made me a well-known booty call.
For best results, enjoy with an Orange Crush.